You think axe-throwing is exciting, wait till you see Miami’s new chancleta throwing bar

This new bar offers patrons a chance to work on their chancletazo.
This new bar offers patrons a chance to work on their chancletazo.

Following in the footsteps of South Florida businesses that are tapping into the axe-throwing market, a new Miami establishment will set up shop this fall as the city’s first chancleta-throwing themed bar and lounge.

The new business, EXTREME Miami Chancletazo, is located in Hialeah and will feature five batting-cage-style lanes equipped with wooden targets and separated by metal fencing. Participants must wear socks at all times because you could catch a cold in those sandals.

“Everybody is throwing axes these days,” says owner Armando Perez. “But we’ve noticed that Gen Xers and millennials can’t aim a chancleta the way their abuelas can. So we thought we’d let them have fun and learn a valuable skill at the same time.”

Like the “axe-perts” who guide individuals who think it’s a good idea to whip an axe across a room, EXTREME Miami Chancletazo will have “axe-buelas” to teach participants how to handle the chancletas and make sure proper safety protocols are being followed and also to pin un azabache on you for safety purposes. Any incidental blood spatter will be cleaned up with a Cuban mop.

EXTREME Miami Chancletazo will also feature a bar and lounge area that will offer Malta, cafe con leche, homemade flan and Vicks VapoRub for when the air conditioning gives you a chill. You will need to finish everything on your plate, too.

Disclaimer: EXTREME Miami Chancletazo warns that this sport is not for people who don’t understand satire.