Every now and then, you see something so horrific that it has the potential to shatter the very fabric of the universe. And you are forced to take a stand.
We’ve seen the monstrosity, so we’re stepping up: That guitar-shaped Seminole Hard Rock hotel is a blight on our land.
If you haven’t seen the Hollywood hotel looming over the horizon, clearly you have not driven anywhere near Broward County. You can’t miss it from Florida’s Turnpike. You can even see it from I-95. Hell, ask NASA: It’s probably visible from outer space.
It’s so terrible even Mother Nature hates it.
New York has the Empire State Building. Seattle has the Space Needle. St. Louis has The Arch.
South Florida has that hotel. And Mount Trashmore. All things considered, we prefer Mount Trashmore.
Of course, Seminole Hard Rock is pretty amped about building the first guitar-shaped hotel with its 638 rooms and 41,000-square-foot spa. It’s part of a $1.5 billion expansion plan that includes a 10-acre lagoon-style pool, according to the Miami Herald.
The new complex is set to open in summer of 2019, so there’s plenty of time to get used to the hotel, which will not have a neck like an actual guitar, presumably because that would make the structure large enough to interfere with space travel. It’s already big enough to create its own weather system.
“We think the architectural design in itself creates an amazing attraction,” James Allen, CEO of Seminole Gaming and chairman of Hard Rock International, told the Herald. “There is truly, with zero exaggeration, nothing like it in the world.”
You say that like it’s a good thing.