‘Love & Hip Hop Miami’ is high school petty, so we made superlative awards

In the first few episodes of “Love & Hip Hop Miami,” we got to see another side of the 305. It’s a world where Trina and Trick Daddy are consolidating their empire, up and coming artists like Amara La Negra and Veronica Vega are hustling to break in to the biz, and rapper Gunplay and boy band Pretty Ricky are poised to make a comeback.

Read More: Meet the cast of ‘Love & Hip Hop Miami’

But with all this hustling, comes the drama. Amara La Negra and Young Hollywood are at war. Bobby Lytes doesn’t know his BF is eyeing his ex. Trina is trying to get her cousins’ drama off her plate so she can focus on music. Trick Daddy is busy dodging his estranged wife. And perennial reality star Shay is trying to create a relevant plotline with a guy you can tell she barely knows.

So now that we are a few episodes in to Miami’s edition of the “Love & Hip Hop” franchise, we are ready to pass out some awards. Here is Superlatives for “Love & Hip Hop Miami” so far.

Most likely to cause a scene at your wedding

Bobby Lytes: He can’t even get through lunch without causing a scene.

Best dietary advice

Gunplay to Trick Daddy: “Stop eating red meat. Your farts won’t stink. Your shit won’t stink.”

Most likely to become a huge star:

Amara: Obviously. She’s adorable. She’s about something (repping Afro-Latinas). We think she has musical talent (we haven’t really heard too much of her music). But even if she doesn’t, she is so fun to watch and we want more.

Most likely to steal your credit card and go wild at the mall:

Bobby Lytes: Have you seen his looks? It takes work to wear that many colors. Also, his brows must cost a fortune.

Best eyebrow game:

Bobby Lytes: Seriously. They are little works of face art.

Most ridiculous plot line:

Trick Daddy’s ex-wife Joy Young returning to his life after four years. He is so not interested in her that it is painful to watch.

Most likely to ruin every family reunion:

Bobby Lytes: If his own cousin won’t put him on the list, then you can bet the rest of the fam is not here for his drama.

Worst boyfriend ever:

Prince: Why would you brag to your girlfriend about all the women you give up to be with her? That is lame. (But we are positive he is not gay.)

Best love triangle (so far):

Bobby Lytes, Jeffrey and Malik: Jeffrey DESERVES TO BE LOVED. Malik had us feeling REAL EMOTIONS and we know this is SCRIPTED. Sorry, Bobby. But you need to focus on your career.

Worst apology ever:

Young Hollywood: After insulting Amara’s natural hair, he agreed to apologize only if Veronica Vega went out with him. Eye roll.

Worst friend ever:

Veronica Vega: She saw her girlfriend crying and had no idea what a normal human does in this situation. “I’ve never wiped another person’s tears,” she remarked. Then she proceeds to set up a date with the guy who offended her friend. Veronica is dead inside.

Most PG:

Amara: In spite of the cleavage she shows in her confessional interviews, she brings her mother to business meetings and her dream is to be a success to make her mami proud.

Best THOT deflector:

Miami Tip: The way she took Keyara’s accusations of harlotry and turned them, ninja-style, into a conversation about feminine beauty was masterful. We expect great things from Miami Tip. By that we mean, if she makes it through the season without a trashy fight, then she has won the game.

Most ratchet (so far):

Veronica Vega: She can’t get through one scene without dropping a series of f-bombs. We are waiting for her to break down and tears and tell us about her really sad childhood or something.

Saddest storyline:

Jojo Zarur: Her parents can’t even be in the same room together. And the production is forcing her mother to speak English. It makes us sad.

Most fabricated rivalry:

Prince and Michelle Pooch: She is a DJ. He is a party promoter. They would wear two different crowns.