9 Questions Miamians Have About Ultra Music Festival

Ultra! This is happening, but we have so many questions.
Ultra! This is happening, but we have so many questions.

Ultra. The mere word can either bring extreme euphoria or absolute dread to any Miamian. For some, it’s a three-day party. For others, it’s a headache that they rather not have. It’s the oh-so polarizing music festival that most locals love to hate. Below, the wide range of thoughts that most Miamians have when Ultra Music Fest brings the tiki tiki into the 305.

1. Why are people dressed like this? What’s with the furry boots? Is this amount of nudity allowed in public? WHY IS THAT GIRL DRESSED AS IF A UNICORN JUST THREW UP ON HER?


2. How much traffic can I handle before I snap? Can I feasibly avoid Downtown for three days?


3. Is there anything other than tiki tiki music on this lineup? What is a Dubfire? How will David Guetta perform if Nicki Minaj isn’t there?


4. Do people over the age of 22 still go to this? Have I reached the age limit? Can I go without being judged by the #youths?


5. Wait a minute. There’s something called Winter Music Conference? It’s at the same time? HUH?


6. The three-day passes to Ultra are HOW MUCH? Have the organizers lost their damn minds? Oh, they’re sold out? Nevermind.


7. Is making out with a tree a requirement of going? Will the stupid things I do be caught on camera? Asking for a friend.


8. Should I Airbnb my apartment for the weekend? Will I make some fast cash or will the renters come in like a wrecking ball?


9. Can I afford skipping town during Ultra? What other city is nice this time of year? Do I like skiing?