1. $100,000 cars, everybody got ’em.
Will Smith most certainly got that one wrong. I’m still riding round and gettin’ it in my ’07 Toyota Yaris.
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2. LeBron took his talents to South Beach.
Yeah….. no. He took them straight to the American Airlines Arena in beautiful DOWNTOWN Miami.
3. We all either live in SoBe or are there ALL. THE. TIME.
False. I can count on one hand how many times I’ve even worn a bikini in the past two years.
4. Miami women are totally fake.
Sure, plastic surgery is a ~thing~ but most of us are au naturel.
5. No one here speaks English.
I’m sorry con excuse me, but that’s not entirely accurate.
6. Miami is overrun by Cubans.
Yes, we’re a dominant majority, but this gorgeous city is filled with so many other ethnicities.
7. And all those Miami Cubans swam here.
Not true. My mom can’t even swim, you guys.
8. We all speak (and consume cocaine) like Scarface.
I have never asked anyone to say hello to my little friend.
9. We’re still living in the gritty Narcos era.
I’m #blessed to say that I’ve never been caught in a firefight in Dadeland Mall.
10. Clubbing is our part-time job.
In reality, those megaclubs are mostly frequented by tourists.
11. The weather here is always beautiful.
Yes, we live in “paradise,” but that comes with its healthy amount of thunderstorms and suffocating humidity. The weather in the 305 is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you’re gonna get.
12. We all have magical access to boats or yachts.
In reality, we MAYBE know a friend of a friend of a friend that rented one for a regatta.
13. Living here is like permanently being on Spring Break.
Sure. Just throw in the gridlock traffic and the endless construction and you would kinda sorta almost be right.
14. All of our beverages must include at least one tropical fruit.
Yes, they’re lovely. No, we’re not downing daiquiris like it’s our job.
15. We’re all fair-weather sports fans.
If I had a nickel for every time I’ve had a ride or die Miami Heat, Miami Dolphins, Miami Marlins or Miami Hurricanes fan scream in my ear (or cry on my shoulder) about a win or loss, I’d be makin’ it rain… all over South Beach.