La Ventanita: Pitbull teaches us the meaning of the word ‘dale’
You know how Miami thinks it’s the sexiest city in the country? What with all the sultry nights and Latin music and tropical cocktails?
The website Big 7 Travel is trying to make us reevaluate our collective hotness with its list of the sexiest 50 accents in America — in which the Miami accent only ranks no. 13.
Sorry con excuse me? We’re literally no. 13? And according to Big 7 Travel, we’re behind the top 10 sexiest accents, which are from — and you need to brace yourself for this, bro — Texas, Boston, New York, Maine, Chicago, Mississippi, Hawaii, Philadelphia, St. Louis and California.
Pero like I can’t. Supposably people with a New York accent sound sexier than people with a Miami accent? Big 7 Travel describes the New York accent as “fast and hypernasal.” Right, that’s super hot. Let me ask you a question: Who sounds sexier, our Miami papi chulo Pitbull or any random New York Jets fan in a jersey that’s way too small for him? I think you know the answer.
The survey says Miami’s accent is also less sexy than the Northwestern accent (that’s a vegan accent, we guess). Go ahead. Try to say “Dale” like you’re a pata sucia hippie from Portland, Oregon. We’ll wait, but it’s not going to end well.
Here’s what Big 7 Travel has to say about the way we talk:
“A relatively new young accent, the Miami accent has the same sexy rhythm as Spanish with Cuban loanwords thrown in for good measure. The word “salmon” in Miami is pronounced with the L: “sall-mon.”
Who in Miami is going around talking about salmon anyway? We talk about croquetas or cafecito here. Just listen to that word, cafecito. It’s literally the most beautiful word in any language, and nobody in Boston is even using it.
The website based its list on survey results from its social media audience, which we suspect is filled with ringers from Massachusetts. Well, fine. You keep Ben Affleck, we’ll find solace in our warm weather and beaches and lack of snow. How do you like them apples?