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Hialeah bucket list: All the things you need to do in Hialeah before you die

The only way to live your best life is to make peace with all the saints. By make peace, we mean offer them some dranks.
The only way to live your best life is to make peace with all the saints. By make peace, we mean offer them some dranks. Miami Herald Archives

Every major neighborhood in Miami has its list of greatest hits — places, things, experiences — that define a visit to that little corner of South Florida.

In Wynwood, for example, that list includes selfies at the Walls, a drinking game at Gramps and blacking out after too many shots of aguardiente at La Poderosa. In South Beach, it means spending $24 on a cocktail and $40 on valet parking.

Your Kendall bucket list, in case you forgot, includes hitting a strip mall, pigging out at Sports Grill and visiting whichever relative still has a condo there.

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As for the lovely city of Hialeah, there are so many things that need to be done for one to truly understand the essence of this town. It’s time Hialeah got its own list of quintessential adventures. Here is your Hialeah bucket list.

Buy a bata at Ño...Que Barato

So. Many. Batas.

Everybody needs at least two good batas de casa.

Discover Cuban pizza


Cuban pizza? Yes, it’s a thing. It kind of looks like a cheese pie. The most famous place to grab a slice is at Polo Norte (2050 W. 56th St.). The lobster pizza, which comes drenched in a homemade Creole sauce, will ruin your diet, possibly your whole life.

Buy a love potion at a botánica

Stores that traditionally sold objects for the practice of Afro-Cuban religions today reflect the diversity of Miami by incorporating traditions from other Latin American countries.

Or some chicken feet for good luck, whatever the Babalao recommends.

Check in at an Executive Motel

Live out your Flintstone fantasy in this classy suite at the Executive Motel in Hialeah. via Instagram

If you did purchase that love potion, here’s your chance to test it out. This famous chain of adults-only hotels has rooms with all kinds of themes, including a Japanese garden room, a jungle room, and a room designed like a cave — ahem, an underground den of iniquity. One reviewer on described their stay as ‘pleasant.’ Bet it was.

Order in English at the Taco Bell on 785 East Ninth Street
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Taco Bell drive-throug window in Hialeah, where a customer was refused service because a staffer said workers at the fast-food restaurant spoke only Spanish. Linda Robertson Miami Herald

See what happens.

Catch a game at Flanigan’s

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Flanigan’s is basically the heart of Hialeah. Miami Herald Archives

If South Florida was a collection of medieval villages, Flanigan’s would be the boisterous town hall at the heart of each one. Lifelong friendships are forged here. People even meet their soulmates at Flanigan’s. And there’s no Flanigan’s like the one at 1550 W 84th Street in Hialeah.

Join a victory party along 49th Street

The most recent victory parade in Hialeah was when Fidel Castro died in November 2016. But in Hialeah, hating the Castros is a sport. MATIAS J. OCNER For the Miami Herald

Given the current state of sports in South Florida, you might die before this happens.

Stage a photoshoot at Amelia Earhart Park

You can go kayaking or just take a nice quinces photo shoot. Handout

It’s not all factoría y fango. Hialeah is all about nature, etc.

Take a selfie in the Leah Arts District

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They have street art in Hialeah, too. Handout

Sit down, Wynwood. Hialeah has its own artist enclave. And once Unbranded Brewery opens up, it’s going to be a hipster magnet and everyone’s abuela is going to be complaining.