Want strong women? Raise confident, secure and self-reliant girls

Raising girls who feel confident, capable and ready to take on the world isn’t easy. In fact, it’s getting a lot harder.

From gender bias to stereotypical portrayals of girls and women on screen to allegations of sexual predation at our highest levels of government and the thunderous roar of the #MeToo movement, it sometimes feels as if our current sociopolitical climate has declared a de facto war on women. And those messages are likely being internalized by our daughters and other young girls we love and care about.

But strong girls grow up to be strong women who are secure in themselves, make positive choices and think critically about the world around them. They know their worth, won’t allow anyone to take advantage of them and they never sell themselves short.

That empowerment starts with you; start fueling it by:

Letting them make their own decisions. Whenever possible, allow girls to make choices, starting with what they wear or eat. Give them a voice, too, in the after-school activities they participate in.

Building their emotional vocabulary. Encourage girls to use emotion words, such as “I’m so nervous about x” or “I’m so excited about y,” and ask them to identify their feelings. This gives them the permission and skills they need to express themselves.

Modeling body acceptance. Watch your words and don’t obsess about food or put down your own looks in your daughter’s presence. And don’t ever ask if something you’re wearing makes you look fat.

Introducing them to team sports. Girls who play team sports have higher self-esteem. That’s because they’re taught early on to rely on themselves and their teammates for what they need.

Balancing your compliments. It’s fine to tell your daughter that she looks pretty in her new dress, but do that after you’ve praised her kindness, intelligence and talents.

Encouraging them to pursue their passion. In addition to sports, participating in activities like theater, art, music and STEM or robotics builds confidence. Being involved with something they love gives girls the chance to master challenges, which in turn helps boost self-esteem and resilience. Such activities also help develop skills that are independent of appearance.

Letting them solve issues on their own. Rather than rushing in and fixing things for them (within reason and age-appropriateness), give your daughters the autonomy to solve problems on their own. This builds coping skills.

Providing positive role models. The way you act and talk in front of your child greatly influences their behavior, and while mothers make a particular impression on young girls, so, too, do fathers. Girls take cues from the men in their lives at a young age and the attention they receive (or not) influences everything from how and from whom they seek approval to finding their career path.

Urging them to take risks. Girls who avoid risks have poorer self-esteem than girls who face their challenges. Urge girls to go beyond their comfort zone and you’ll help them develop competence and confidence.

Being media literate. There’s a lot of noise out there in terms of TV, movies, social media and the like. Talk about it with your girls, then talk about it some more to help them wisely process media messages and avoid buying into pervasive stereotypes.

Honoring the sisterhood. Don’t put down other women, and don’t tolerate anyone in your household doing so either.

Showering them with unconditional love. This may sound like a no-brainer, but girls especially need to know you love them, no matter how much they weigh or what they look like.

Rachel Spector, MSW, has more than 20 years’ experience in the field of early care and education; she currently oversees funding for early childhood development at The Children’s Trust. For more information, visit www.thechildrenstrust.org.