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JudgeMomTals are Proven Wrong

So I was talking to the mom of a new baby and we were having the conversation I used to have. The one that pits cotton blankets against microfleece, and the and the breat feeding vs. formula. She was completely for breast feeding. "Go for it," I said.

"Didn't you do it?", she asked.

"Nope."

"But what about all the benefits?" she said looking at me like I had suddenly grown snakes for hair and was no longer a mommy she wanted to exchange ideas about kids with since I was obviously unqualified to raise anything more than hamsters.

OK ladies. Here's the scoop. I didn't breast feed. I tried it for half a minute.

My kid is rarely sick.

My kid is smart. She can watch an older kid doing something dangerous at the playground like do a backflip-no hands on a bar and she can copy it. But let me point to my sister's children as models for brains. Her kids are brilliant. The older of her kids is always chosen as the one to show off things like reading in her class. And she memorized the whole Little Girls song from Annie. With the Carol Burnett slurring and all.

My sister didn't breast feed either and her kids rarely get sick.

I can not for the life of me understand the argument that breast feeding makes your life easier. Like sitting in a bathroom stall attached to a pump during lunch would have made my life easier.

Anyway my kid is turning 5 next month which is why I feel OK about writing this. Drugs on the market are tested for less time.

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