Clearly I have seen too many Super Bowl commercials. Last night, I sat bolt upright out of a nightmare, screaming. I dreamed I saw Betty White sidesaddle on a Clydesdale breastfeeding the E*Trade baby.
Also had a strange dream about the halftime show. Beyoncé was singing, except she wasn’t really singing. No, no, I don’t mean she was lip-synching. She was conveying all the songs in sign language.
It got stranger.
I dreamed the 49ers’ starting quarterback was an adopted kid with tattooed biceps who owned a 115-pound tortoise named Sammy. Weird.
I dreamed the Ravens’ biggest star caused the most-Googled phrase of Super Bowl Week to be “deer antler velvet extract.” Insane.
Then I dreamed the CBS broadcast team included a former player who’d just been outed for an affair that created a child out of wedlock. Impossible!
I don’t know about you, but I think I’m just about ready for Super Bowl Sunday to be over.
P.S., Ray Lewis has changed his mind about retiring, and the Harbaughs aren’t really related.
President Obama Manti Te’o’s
Lance Armstrong Liar, Liar
Warren Sapp Bill Parcells
Fenway Parks Sally Field
Dennis Rodman Dennis the Wild Bull
Suzy Favor Hamilton
Visit Greg’s Random Evidence of a Cluttered Blog daily at MiamiHerald.com and follow on Twitter @gregcote.