Greg Cote: Deer antler, tortoise, infidelity — time for Super Bowl

Clearly I have seen too many Super Bowl commercials. Last night, I sat bolt upright out of a nightmare, screaming. I dreamed I saw Betty White sidesaddle on a Clydesdale breastfeeding the E*Trade baby.

Also had a strange dream about the halftime show. Beyoncé was singing, except she wasn’t really singing. No, no, I don’t mean she was lip-synching. She was conveying all the songs in sign language.

It got stranger.

I dreamed the 49ers’ starting quarterback was an adopted kid with tattooed biceps who owned a 115-pound tortoise named Sammy. Weird.

I dreamed the Ravens’ biggest star caused the most-Googled phrase of Super Bowl Week to be “deer antler velvet extract.” Insane.

Then I dreamed the CBS broadcast team included a former player who’d just been outed for an affair that created a child out of wedlock. Impossible!

I don’t know about you, but I think I’m just about ready for Super Bowl Sunday to be over.

P.S., Ray Lewis has changed his mind about retiring, and the Harbaughs aren’t really related.

President Obama Manti Te’o’s

Lance Armstrong
Liar, Liar

Jim Larranaga’s

LeBron James

Warren Sapp Bill Parcells

Fenway Parks Sally Field

Dennis Rodman Dennis the Wild Bull

Ron Turner

Tiger Woods

Joe DiMaggio

Greg Cote

Lionel Messi

Titus Young

Simeon Rice

Brent Musberger

Suzy Favor Hamilton

Parting thought:

Visit Greg’s Random Evidence of a Cluttered Blog daily at and follow on Twitter @gregcote.

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