Hoping for a gold-medal season from Miami Dolphins

We get excited and even emotional with anticipation because it is something you wait years to experience, so it always seems like such a rare treat, such a special event.

What? Oh, you thought I meant the start of the Summer Olympics? Well, that, too, now that you mention it.

But I actually meant a winning season by the Dolphins. And believe me, one of those every four years would be optimistic based on recent history.

The London Games’ Opening Ceremonies and the opening of Dolphins training camp both happened to occur Friday.

The first world record of these Olympics was set (I swear) by a legally blind South Korean archer. This is ripe for a joke — such as, “Unfortunately the world record was for most spectators shot by arrows” — but I have a long-standing policy of not making fun of archers.

A Chinese farmer, Chen Guanming, traveled to London by rickshaw in a heart-warming, two-year odyssey through 16 countries. Guanming credited his journey to not having been informed of air travel.

Who would light the Olympic flame was a big mystery until the end. (Back story: It was supposed to be me, but I was late leaving Dolphins camp.)

The big Dolphins story is the position battle at quarterback, where incumbent Matt Moore, newcomer David Garrard and rookie Ryan Tannehill are competing. Receiver Chad Johnson-turned-Ochocinco-turned-Johnson said it didn’t matter to him because he planned to have a “monster” year no matter who was throwing to him.

“Oprah can play quarterback!” he said.

Hey, is Oprah Winfrey passing for 243 yards for the Dolphins really that much more improbable than a blind archer setting an Olympic world record?

• Bulletin: The Marlins have just traded you and six other fans from Section 112 to Houston for two prospects and a fan to be named later.

• Reports are that a controversial group (some would say cult) called Access Consciousness, whose founder claims he can read minds and heal with his bare hands, now counts former Dolphin

Ricky Williams

among its supporters. Or, did that go without saying?

• A Greek triple-jumper got sent home from the Olympics for posting a racist message on her Twitter account. Athletes, another reminder: Not for nothing is it called the “World Wide Web.”

• For the first time, every country competing in the Olympics includes a female athlete after Saudi Arabia agreed to allow two women to participate. Saudi officials said they would have done it sooner but lost track of the time because their watches had stopped in the 19th Century.

• The Heat will open defense of their NBA championship at home against Boston, and host Oklahoma City on Christmas in what is expected to be the second-biggest event ever to occur on Christmas.


Dez Bryant

was arrested for attacking his mother. It is the most attention Ma has gotten not involving Dolphins general manager

Jeff Ireland


• Jets coach

Rex Ryan

has lost 105 pounds. Most of the excess weight had been gained by eating his words after failed Super Bowl guarantees.

• Chelsea vs. AC Milan drew a huge crowd to Dolphins stadium Saturday night for an international exhibition. I bet big on Milan because I didn’t even know

Chelsea Clinton played



Bradley Wiggins

became the first Brit to win the Tour de France. Of course he’s no

Lance Armstrong

, by which I mean he hasn’t yet been accused of using performance-enhancing drugs.

• These allegations against the Hurricanes football program — I think I’d feel better if a media outlet called “Yahoo!” wasn’t reporting them. “Yahoo!” sounds like the name of a magazine about rodeo clowns.

• Answer: U.S. Olympic goalkeeper

Hope Solo,

in the build-up to London, tested positive for a pill related to her menstrual cycle, admitted she once appeared drunk on

The Today Show

and says in a new book her father was a con-man with several families. Question: What is meant by “too much information”?

• FIU extended football coach

Mario Cristobal’s

contract through 2017. The group, People Who Think Cristobal Won’t Leave Sooner For a Bigger Job, meets tonight at the Waffle House. Corner booth.

• South Florida’s lobster miniseason came and went with the usual competitive frenzy. Do these divers realize they can walk into Publix and just




Norman Sas

, the mechanical engineer who invented electric football, died at 87. Cannot confirm his casket was buzzing and hopping all over the funeral parlor.

• The

Joe Paterno

family, out to clear JoePa’s sullied name, has launched its own investigation into the

Jerry Sandusky

scandal. Yeah and I hear Nixon’s kids are going to take another look at Watergate.


Dennis Rodman

met his father after a 42-year estrangement. Cannot confirm Dad’s first words were, “Man, you’re weird!”

• Nothing against

Barry Larkin


Ron Santo

(not everybody in Cooperstown can be an A-lister), but if that Hall of Fame induction were going on in my backyard, I might close the blinds.

• Broncos linebacker and former UM standout

D.J. Williams

, suspended six games for a failed drug test, was found to have submitted a “nonhuman” urine sample. Darn the luck. The horse had also been using performance-enhancing drugs.


Michael Vick’s


Finally Free

, is due out soon. Talk about dog-eared pages!

• NASCAR suspended driver A.J. Allmendinger for failing a drug test. He previously was best known for having a funny name.

• A South Korean won the U.S. Women’s Open in golf. Or, did that go without saying? A South Korean winning an LPGA tournament is like a Kenyan winning a marathon.

• The X Games ended in Los Angeles. This is where ESPN keeps trying to convince us that adults in their 30s skateboarding isn’t the least bit pathetic.

• UCLA has given football scholarships to the sons of rappers Snoop Dogg and Sean “Diddy” Combs. The school is now a betting favorite to lead the Pac-12 in postgame parties.

Parting thought: Ernie Els won golf’s British Open after Adam Scott blew a huge lead with a terrible late collapse. Wonder if Scott got a sympathy card from Heath Bell?

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