Let’s just say U.S. won’t win gold for its uniforms

A major development this week heaped deserved national shame on a major institution, and I cannot in good conscience sit idly by without adding my damnation.

What? Oh. You thought I meant the Freeh Report on the Penn State scandal that lambastes the late Joe Paterno among those involved in years of covering up Jerry Sandusky’s pedophile crimes? Well, yeah, that too now that you mention it. Awful. I’d ceremonially knock down Paterno’s campus statue, and I’d do a heck of a lot better job at it than the Iraqis did in 2003 throwing shoes at a bronze Saddam Hussein.

For now though, my outrage is directed at the U.S. Olympic Committee, which has shamed all Americans and especially American athletes as the London Olympics loom less than two weeks away.

The USOC revealed the 2012 official Olympic uniforms this week, and the news could only have been worse if the uniforms had been designed by Lady Gaga and included jackets made of live earthworms, 40-inch heels and no pants.

Instead, the uniforms are under the auspices of fashion designer Ralph Lauren, and my only two complaints will be listed in inverse order of importance:

2. The uniforms were made in China. Seriously. U.S. unemployment is 8 percent but we’re outsourcing to China to make the U.S. Olympic uniforms. Democrats and Republicans agree on something about once a decade, but they agree this is, symbolically, at least, embarrassing.

1. The preppy white slacks and double-breasted dark blue blazers will make every American athlete look like a spoiled rich kid named Thad stepping on to his family’s yacht. Far worse, the uniforms are topped by a French beret! Everybody looks dorky in a beret. If I were joking I’d say the uniform hats were upside-down red plant pots like the New Wave group Devo used to wear, but berets are the next worst thing. The beret finds the spoiled rich kid Thad wearing a paisley ascot, smoking an elaborate pipe and driving a Fiat.

To tie all this together, I say we give Paterno the ultimate embarrassment by putting a beret on his statue’s head.

Ozzie Guillen Heath Bell
Greg Oden’s

Dwyane Wade Giancarlo Stanton

Drew Brees

LeBron James Juwan Howard Mike Miller

Brittney Griner

The Heat’s first of five Summer League games in Las Vegas is Sunday against Toronto. This is where fans who just cheered a championship parade feign interest in how Norris Cole and draftee Justin Hamilton are doing against other teams’ B-listers.

Dwight Howard

Peter Mueller

• The National League’s 8-0 win marked the third-most lopsided All-Star Game ever, and also one of the lowest rated, following a Home Run Derby marked by Kansas City fans’ merciless booing. Bud Selig hadn’t had that much fun since the Mitchell Report.


Flo Rida

Yasmani Grandal

Parting thought: Bobby Bowden

Visit Greg Cote’s Random Evidence of a Cluttered Blog daily at, and follow on Twitter @gregcote.