Visiting Oklahomans: Prepare for culture shock

The Heat plays host to three consecutive NBA Finals games in Miami’s downtown bayside arena beginning Sunday night in an even series, and hundreds of Thunder fans hoped to make the trip. The only question was, could they get here in time? Because, who knows exactly how long it takes to traverse the 1,465 miles from Oklahoma City in oxen-drawn covered wagons?

I kid. I don’t mean to suggest all Oklahomans are prairie folk who might experience a culture shock here in South Beach. I know for a fact from having spent a month there this week that they have a vibrant nightlife in Oklahoma City, too. It’s called a 24-hour Whataburger.

Still, when picturing Oklahoma City fans arriving here to support their team, I can’t get out of my head the image of Jed Clampett’s truck backfiring into Beverly Hills.

A quick note while I think of it: Sure, LeBron James fouled Kevin Durant even though it wasn’t called (wink, wink) on that missed attempted game-tying shot with nine seconds left in Game 2. That’s the thing. We get all the breaks. I hear David Stern has a table always waiting at Prime 112.

Also, a quick advisory for visiting Thunder fans: We do have cannibals here, I’ll admit. That and humidity are the big drawbacks. The recent incident that made national news — in which a local deranged naked man chewed off a homeless man’s face before being killed by police — happened just one mile north of the arena.

That was a bizarre aberration, though. Normally, our cannibals attack tourists. I say this not to alarm you, but as a friendly warning that they tend to become enraged by the sound of people walking around chanting “OKC!” or wearing fake beards in homage to James Harden.

Are your lives in danger here, Thunder fans? Probably not.

But are your team’s championship hopes in danger here? Oh, most definitely.


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That reminds me. Dolphins stadium hosts Lionel Messi and the World Soccer Masters Tour next Saturday. It’s like a major international match, except that it’s an exhibition that doesn’t count for anything.

Manny Pacquiao lost a controversial split decision to Timothy Bradley. Maybe Manny should spend more time training for fights and less time acting, singing, being a politician and ranting against gay rights.

• That reminds me. Floyd Mayweather Jr., jailed on a child-support rap, is in solitary because officials worry about his safety if integrated with other inmates. Really? Now Jerry Sandusky I might worry about, but Floyd I sort of think might be OK.

The new movie That’s My Boy stars Adam Sandler, Vanilla Ice and Jets coach Rex Ryan. I think the film might have a better chance if they’d kept quiet about who was in it. Ryan is now the only NFL coach ever to appear in more movies than playoff games.

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Parting thought:

Parting thought:

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