Op-Ed

After Brexit, Florida should try ‘Sayonariduh’

Great Britain’s dramatic decision to declare independence from the European Union has already been felt in Texas.

I guess this means that Florida is next.

We like to pride ourselves in being a greener, leaner, and more heavily armed version of Texas.

So it makes sense that now that secessionists in Texas have called for “The Texit” to mirror “The Brexit” vote in the United Kingdom, Florida’s secessionists will be drawing up plans for our own sovereignty.

There’s no name yet for the historic vote that would transition Florida from an American state to an independent nation.

So I’m going to call this vote “The Sayonariduh.”

Within hours after the Brexit vote, the Texas Nationalist Movement targeted the 2018 mid-term elections as a date for a statewide Texit vote for secession.

“We believe that the only thing standing between Texas and independence is the will of the Texas people to make it happen,” the Texas Nationalist Movement posted Monday on its Facebook page.

“Pledge your vote today for Texas to become a strong, prosperous independent nation.”

Florida’s secessionists are bound to chime in.

After all, President Obama’s re-election four years ago triggered two online petitions in Florida that called for secession and got thousands of signatures.

There was the “Peacefully grant the State of Florida to withdraw from the United States” petition and another one called the “Petition calling for the independence for the State of Florida.” That one was on a page featuring the Confederate flag.

There appear to be significant constitutional barriers to states declaring their sovereignty, a topic that was covered amply in the last Civil War.

But it’s foolish in this Trumpian era to discount anything as too improbable, inappropriate or foolish to be treated seriously.

So, here’s my scorecard on the upsides and downsides of what would happen if Florida voters approve The Sayonariduh:

▪ National defense

Upside: Daisy Duck sightseeing boats can be reconfigured as river patrol boats

Downside: Banner-towing planes do poorly against F-16s in aerial dogfights

▪ Healthcare

Upside: No longer under Obamacare insurance mandate

Downside: Acute national Silver Alert epidemic

▪ Education

Upside: Florida kids eligible for international student scholarships at American universities

Downside: Can no longer measure success of K-12 students against Mississippi

▪ Immigration

Upside: Americans can finally get jobs at Mar-a-Lago

Downside: Border wall complicates traffic for annual Georgia-Florida football game in Jacksonville

▪ Social Security

Upside: Solvent

Downside: Redefined as guaranteed job as Publix bag boy

▪ Sports

Upside: Suwannee River anthem easier to sing before games than Star-Spangled Banner

Downside: Once severed from United States, soccer automatically becomes national sport

▪ Monetary system

Upside: Facilities already in place to print currency

Downside: Mickey Dollars

▪ Diplomacy

Upside: Ambassador Pitbull negotiates important treaty with United States

Downside: Known as The Waffle House Accords

▪ Foreign exports

Upside: Grapefruits

Downside: Zika

▪ National landmarks

Upside: Birthplace of Carrot Top

Downside: Site of first Hooters

Frank Cerabino writes for The Palm Beach Post.

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