Great Britain’s dramatic decision to declare independence from the European Union has already been felt in Texas.
I guess this means that Florida is next.
We like to pride ourselves in being a greener, leaner, and more heavily armed version of Texas.
So it makes sense that now that secessionists in Texas have called for “The Texit” to mirror “The Brexit” vote in the United Kingdom, Florida’s secessionists will be drawing up plans for our own sovereignty.
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There’s no name yet for the historic vote that would transition Florida from an American state to an independent nation.
So I’m going to call this vote “The Sayonariduh.”
Within hours after the Brexit vote, the Texas Nationalist Movement targeted the 2018 mid-term elections as a date for a statewide Texit vote for secession.
“We believe that the only thing standing between Texas and independence is the will of the Texas people to make it happen,” the Texas Nationalist Movement posted Monday on its Facebook page.
“Pledge your vote today for Texas to become a strong, prosperous independent nation.”
Florida’s secessionists are bound to chime in.
After all, President Obama’s re-election four years ago triggered two online petitions in Florida that called for secession and got thousands of signatures.
There was the “Peacefully grant the State of Florida to withdraw from the United States” petition and another one called the “Petition calling for the independence for the State of Florida.” That one was on a page featuring the Confederate flag.
There appear to be significant constitutional barriers to states declaring their sovereignty, a topic that was covered amply in the last Civil War.
But it’s foolish in this Trumpian era to discount anything as too improbable, inappropriate or foolish to be treated seriously.
So, here’s my scorecard on the upsides and downsides of what would happen if Florida voters approve The Sayonariduh:
▪ National defense
Upside: Daisy Duck sightseeing boats can be reconfigured as river patrol boats
Downside: Banner-towing planes do poorly against F-16s in aerial dogfights
Upside: No longer under Obamacare insurance mandate
Downside: Acute national Silver Alert epidemic
Upside: Florida kids eligible for international student scholarships at American universities
Downside: Can no longer measure success of K-12 students against Mississippi
Upside: Americans can finally get jobs at Mar-a-Lago
Downside: Border wall complicates traffic for annual Georgia-Florida football game in Jacksonville
▪ Social Security
Downside: Redefined as guaranteed job as Publix bag boy
Upside: Suwannee River anthem easier to sing before games than Star-Spangled Banner
Downside: Once severed from United States, soccer automatically becomes national sport
▪ Monetary system
Upside: Facilities already in place to print currency
Downside: Mickey Dollars
Upside: Ambassador Pitbull negotiates important treaty with United States
Downside: Known as The Waffle House Accords
▪ Foreign exports
▪ National landmarks
Upside: Birthplace of Carrot Top
Downside: Site of first Hooters
Frank Cerabino writes for The Palm Beach Post.