OK, everybody. Let’s take a deep breath, count to 10 and wipe that foam from the corners of your mouths.
Relax. Yes, last week The Palm Beach Post published a light-hearted profile of Melania Trump, the potential next first lady.
It wasn’t meant to trigger aneurysms.
I realize that anger is the new black, but everybody needs to take a timeout with adorable cat videos or something. In our nation’s nearly 240-year history, we’ve survived bloody wars, a Great Depression and the McRib.
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We can handle first lady Melania Trump, if that’s how things work out. And in the meantime, we can also handle some reporting of the details of her life without imagining it’s part of some grand conspiracy against her husband.
Personally, I think the fact that she posed nude while handcuffed to a briefcase on a plane is one of the least objectionable aspects of a theoretical President Donald Trump.
After reading the voluminous back-and-forth of online commentary to Post writer Barbara Marshall’s piece on Mrs. Trump, I can categorize the commentary in this way:
1. It’s a vicious hit piece.
2. It’s an obvious puff piece.
3. What about Benghazi?
And I’d like to specifically address some of the complaints.
Reader Stacey Greene blew a gasket over the word “glamazon” to describe Melania Trump.
“Is the writer bitter because Mrs. Trump is a former model and gorgeous?” Greene wrote. “She is a mother who probably helps out with many charitable causes, as most women do who are married to very wealthy men.
“Glamazon, really, can you be more insulting??”
What’s wrong with “glamazon,” a word that cleverly combines her height with her fashion sense?
How about “elegantic”? Does that work for you?
Another reader, FHMull, objected to the story for a completely different reason.
“Why is the PB Post giving all this free publicity to Trump?” the comment said. “I find this very very unfair to other candidates.”
Well, let’s see, Trump’s winning. He’s a part-time Palm Beach resident, and his wife would be the most exotic first lady since John Quincy Adams married a British woman.
But I can guarantee you, if Bernie Sanders’ wife poses naked, handcuffed to a briefcase full of Goldman Sachs subpoenas, it won’t be ignored.
As for Melania Trump, well, we can survive a story or two about her. Yes, I’m talking to you pepper38, who wrote:
”Oh Good Grief … tRump is enough already, now we have go through the vacant Melanie too?”
It’s actually “Melania,” not Melanie, and as the story points out, she does speak several languages.
She was a 28-year-old model from Slovenia when she started dating Trump, a twice-divorced 52-year-old American business mogul. The article never called her a “trophy wife,” but that became a topic of hot debate, too.
Here’s part of an exchange between two readers, Aklaea Andrea Davis and Jennifer Blakeman:
“A trophy wife is not the example of a woman who should represent the women of this country,” Davis wrote. “Nor would she be an example for our daughters. And I find any woman willing to sleep with Donald Trump repugnant.”
Blakeman responded: “So why does that make her being (first lady) repugnant?”
“Someone’s third wife,” Davis answered. “Not born in the U.S.”
Which led others to chime in, ranging from the pithy “The inappropriate wife may surprise everyone” to “Deport her and her anchor baby!”
Others went long, like this one:
“We have an American-born first lady, highly educated, trained professional attorney, but yet we have heaped scorn on them, along comes this attractive foreign-born blond, graduate of Bimbo academy (beauty pageants) and we think she will make a wonderful first lady,” it reads. “Hillary Clinton and Michele Obama should both be fuming, the way they were and are being treated as first ladies.
“Just goes to show America loves beauty but not brains.”
I propose a moratorium on fuming. Marveling is fine. Pondering with detached amusement even better.
But let’s just try a reverse-Emeril by taking it down a notch — at least until Melania’s husband fulfills his fantasy of punching a heckler.
© 2016 Cox Newspapers