After the horror show that has been tropical weather the past six weeks — Hurricane Irma, Hurricane Maria, some tornadoes and that irritatingly hard to spell Tropical Storm Philippe over the weekend that turned your fancy Halloween decorations into appalling masses of sodden orange and black crepe paper before dissolving aimlessly out in the Atlantic where the fish smirked in contempt at its impotence — you probably wouldn’t be surprised if we told you the New Ice Age was rolling into South Florida next, with a penguin army goose-stepping right behind it to seize all our squid. Would you?
Well, in the context of South Florida, where anytime the temperature dips below 80, we build living-room campfires from piles of old bathing suits, it kind of is.
The National Weather Service said the temperature was set to drop to 54 degrees sometime during the sinister predawn hours of Monday morning, with biting winds of 10 to 16 mph and gusts up to 21, making it feel a lot colder.
And before you start whining, consider this: A good chunk of Florida’s Gulf Coast was under a frost watch overnight Sunday, and the National Weather Service bleakly warned that “sensitive outdoor plants may be killed if left uncovered.” (Fear not, you cynical, brutish outdoor plants.)
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However, even if you’re a poinsettia, if you’re reading this, you probably lived. Congratulations.
As Ice Ages go, though, this will be a short one. Monday weather is expected to be sunny, with the temperature rebounding to 73 degrees and even the low creeping back into the 60s. By Halloween on Tuesday, those numbers should be 79 and 61, high enough to warm even the chilliest vampire’s heart.