Fred Grimm

Swiller of goat blood just another of the lousy choices running for Marco’s Senate seat

U.S. Sen. Marco Rubio
U.S. Sen. Marco Rubio AP

Not many elections offer such unpalatable choices that you might pause for a long, hard moment before dismissing Augustus Sol Invictus, the Libertarian candidate and LSD-aficionado who claims he once killed a goat in a pagan sacrifice and drank its blood.

Granted, Invictus is not likely to get an endorsement from the Florida Humane Society, but a swiller of goat blood seems only marginally more dismal than the candidates for U.S. senate offered by either the state’s Democratic or Republican party.

It had been looking good for Patrick Murphy, who had the backing of the Democratic Party establishment in the primary campaign for the seat now held by the once-but-no-longer-retiring Marco Rubio. Especially after Murphy’s primary opponent, fellow U.S. Rep. Alan Grayson, had been disparaged by Senate minority leader Harry Reid as an unethical money monger whose “actions aren’t just disgraceful to the Democratic Party, they disgrace the halls of Congress.”

But it seems that Murphy, a onetime Miami Beach party boy, has put out an official résumé that amounts to mendacious puffery. The self-described “small businessman” was more like teensy-weenie.

Some dandy reporting last week by Jim DeFede of CBS-4 Miami revealed that Murphy has wildly exaggerated his role as owner of a company involved in the Gulf of Mexico clean-up after the BP oil spill. The business was actually a subsidiary of his daddy’s construction company. And his campaign bio’s reference to his employment as a certified public accountant was also exaggerated, given that he has never been licensed as a CPA in Florida. In May, the Herald reported that Murphy’s campaign bio falsely claimed he had “dual degrees” in accounting and finance from the University of Miami, rather than a single degree in business administration.

The revelations give currency to Grayson’s characterization of Murphy as a spoiled trust-fund “faker” and a “lickspittle pillock” who has “never worked a day in his life.” Unhappily for Democratic voters, Grayson is under a congressional ethics investigation into charges he exploited his office to enhance his Cayman Islands hedge fund.

Meanwhile, the Republicans have Sen. Marco Rubio, the failed presidential candidate and chronic Senate truant who had previously announced that he wouldn’t be a candidate for reelection. But as the prospect of unemployment loomed, Marco jumped into the race, announcing that the Orlando gay nightclub massacre allowed him to understand how he was needed in Washington. Hard to see how that squares with a politician who (on the rare occasions when he shows up at work) has opposed gay marriage and defended the proliferation of assault weapons. But with Rubio running, other, better Republicans, including the innovative David Jolly, a champion of campaign fundraising reform, dropped out.

So Republicans must choose between the ever changeable Marco and Carlos Beruff, the crass wealthy developer who has out-Trumped Donald Trump with his anti-Muslim invectives and nasty remarks about President Barack Obama: “this animal we call president.”

With such lousy choices, Florida’s disaffected voters might need a stiff cocktail of goat blood and LSD before heading to the polls.