As far as burglars go, Jessica Shere Coggins ain’t exactly Murph the Surf.
The bungling Pinecrest burglar-wannabe was busted Monday in a caper that astute cops said netted her jewelry, coins — and cold Sam Adams beer.
The victims: Coggin’s Pinecrest neighbors who were away for a few days.
Goggins’ biggest mistake before her capture: She showed up at the Pinecrest Police Department with two black jewelry boxes sticking out of her purse that her neighbors had reported missing.
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“She also had a prescription bottle belonging to the Nealons,” a Pinecrest officer wrote in her arrest affidavit.
Coggins, 37, of 12442 SW 68th Ct., was arrested Monday and charged with burglary of an unoccupied dwelling and grand theft. She was taken to jail. Her bond was set at $45,000. She was still in jail Tuesday afternoon.
Pinecrest police say the Nealon family was away for a few days last week and left a teen in charge of caring for the family’s pets. At one point the teen told police that Coggins had approached him and tried to persuade him to let her into the home.
He said no. She kept texting him. On Sunday, after he had walked the dog and locked up the home, police said the teen received a text from Coggins saying the home’s alarm had gone off. When he got there, he reset the alarm and left.
When the Nealon family returned, they noticed these items missing: jewelry, coins and beer. Pinecrest police said they believed Coggins was a little too friendly in wanting to help them find the culprit.
“Her demeanor was enough to concern me,” the cop wrote.
So they searched her garbage can. In it: coins from foreign countries that belonged to the Nealons and a portrait of another family down the street that had been reported stolen months earlier.
This also: Several bottles of still cold Sam Adams beer. “The bottles of beer were identified by Mr. Nealon as his,” wrote the officer.
That, however, proved contentious. Coggins’ husband was adamant that he drank the same type beer and that the beer found in his garbage can was his.
What he couldn’t answer: Why did he throw away cold beer?
Other than the beer, police said Coggins was cooperative and provided a full confession. She even offered this: She sold the jewelry she stole from the home to a jeweler in South Miami for $2,100.