Dave Barry Gift Guide

Cow and Horse Droppings

$4.64-$5.12 plus shipping and handling from Reynauld’s Euro Imports Inc., 122 N. Main St., Elburn, Ill. 60119, 888-762-6872, www.reynaulds.com (search for "piles").

Suggested by Steve Roberts of Cleveland, Ohio

The holiday season, above all, is about bringing joy to children. And nothing makes children happier than receiving a truly special and unique gift — a gift that none of the “other kids” have.

We can guarantee you that this is exactly the kind of gift you will be giving if you give these model-railroading cow and horse piles. These are tiny but realistic replicas of cow and horse excrement that model railroading enthusiasts place amongst their model cows and horses to add realism to their model railroads. Really, they do this.

But children don’t need an elaborate model railroad to enjoy these piles; all it takes is some imagination. And you can join in the fun! Simply place the piles around the floor and tell your children, “Come on Bobby or Suzy or whatever your name is! Let’s pretend these are piles of real poop that were excreted by real cows and horses, and there’s a train going around them!” Then just sit back and watch their little faces light up with excitement, or something very much like it.

Next gift: Girlfriend Pillow