Dave Barry Gift Guide

Emergency Brassiere Face Mask


$29.99 plus shipping and handling from www.ebbra.com.

Suggested by Walter Janowski of Milford, Mich.

This is the perfect gift for the lady on your holiday list who (1) has breasts, and (2) does not wish to die from inhaling bad things. The Emergency Bra, which was designed by Dr. Elena Bodnar, a female scientist, is a brassiere that, according to the website, "is like any other conventional bra in terms of its main function of supporting the breasts." But in an emergency, it can be removed and used as two face masks.

Is that a great idea, or what? We believe that Dr. Bodnar should receive the Nobel Prize for Lingerie. We also believe that this would be a far safer world if every woman wore the Emergency Bra. Granted, you’d have men constantly yelling: "This is an emergency! Take off your brassiere!" But they’d get bored and stop after a couple of decades.

Next gift: The Pillow Tie