Dave Barry Gift Guide

The Pillow Tie


The Pillow Tie

$19.95 plus shipping and handling from www.pillowtie.com

Suggested by Barb Goldstein of Albany, N.Y.

A man wearing a necktie makes an important statement about himself. That statement is: "I am wearing an idiotic garment around my neck."

Yes, the pathetic truth is that neckties serve no useful purpose. We modern men wear them only because our fathers wore them, and they wore them only because THEIR fathers wore them, and so on backward in history to a time of such ignorance that mankind believed solar eclipses were caused by a giant snake swallowing the sun.

Today, thanks to science, we know that the sun isn’t being swallowed by a giant snake: it’s simply being obscured by a shadow, which is cast by the giant snake. Yet despite all our modern scientific knowledge, we’re still wearing these stupid neckties.

Well, finally somebody has done something, and that something is the Pillow Tie. This is a tie that can be quickly inflated to serve as a pillow, thus enabling the wearer to put his head down and catch "40 winks" during tedious situations such as attending meetings, holding congressional hearings or piloting long-haul commercial airliners. The Pillow Tie comes in a variety of colors and patterns, none of them particularly attractive. But what do you care? You’ll be asleep.

Next gift: Electric Drums T-Shirt