Dave Barry Gift Guide

'Firm Grip' Brand Butt Glue

'Firm Grip' Brand Butt Glue
'Firm Grip' Brand Butt Glue BOB EIGHMIE

$17.99 plus shipping and handling from The Queen's Choice, 2059 Listravia Ave., Morgantown, W. Va. 26505, 304-296-3294, www.queenschoice.com

Suggested by Matt Filar of Arcata, Calif.

If you have ever competed in the swimsuit-competition portion of a beauty pageant, then you know how annoying it can be when a sector of your swimsuit disappears into a bodily crevice, which is a mandatory 10-point deduction. For years, the only way to prevent this problem was a painful procedure involving staples.

But now there is a better way: ''Firm Grip'' spray-on buttocks adhesive. This is the same professional-grade buttocks adhesive used by all of your top beauty-pageant contestants, as well as 65 percent of the players in the National Football League. (Trust us: You do NOT want to know.)

DAVE BARRY'S ANNUAL GIFT GUIDE

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