Dear Abby: My wife and I have been separated for a year. I have been seeing another woman in a city nearby, and my wife is aware of it.
I took my lady friend out for dinner recently while visiting her in her town. A couple from home who know my wife and me were also eating at this restaurant. I greeted them as we walked by their table.
The next day, my wife approached me and showed me a picture of me and my date that had been taken by this couple without my knowledge. I was furious about the invasion of privacy. My wife claims I am just angry because I got “caught.” If I were worried about getting caught, I wouldn’t have been in a public restaurant in a city frequented by people who know me.
What are your thoughts on people who secretly take photos like this? Do they really think they are doing their civic duty?
You have a right to your privacy. If you and your wife have been separated for a year, then with whom you socialize is your own business. The same applies to your wife.
I fail to see what kind of “civic duty” this couple was performing by taking a picture of you and your date. Frankly, I think it was in poor taste and served no good purpose.
Dear Abby: I’m 30 and have felt pretty happy with my life. I enjoy my job, my social life, staying fit and extensive stays abroad. I thought I was going along OK, even though there is still room for improvement.
My biggest (or most obvious) shortcoming, however, is that I’m not attractive in any way, and guys have never been attracted to me, so any chance at a future with someone is not an option. I thought I was learning to accept it, but it’s harder than I thought — especially because of reactions from other people.
Now that I’m older, people look at me with pity or treat me strangely. I don’t know how to handle the constant questioning about whether I have found someone yet. It is not going to happen. Is there something wrong with me? I’m starting to feel like a total loser and complete failure.
Loser in Love
If you are asked whether you have “found someone yet,” tell the person the truth, that Chris Pine hasn’t found YOU yet.
There are worse things than singlehood. You have so many positive things going for you in your life, it’s time you recognized it. The person who deserves pity isn’t someone who is single; it’s someone who is trapped in a marriage to a husband she doesn’t love or who treats her badly.
Your problem isn’t that you are a “loser”; it’s that you have low self-esteem. You could benefit from talking to a counselor about this, because everyone has something to offer, including you, and for others to appreciate your finer qualities, you need to stop being so hard on yourself.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Write Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.