Dear Abby: I came out of the closet when my son was 4. I thought I had taught him not to judge because of a label. He’s now 30, with a wife and two adorable children who own my heart.
When my granddaughter was born, my partner and I were at the hospital and have visited with them often and they with us. However, after my grandson was born last year, my son quit speaking to me.
I have asked him numerous times what the issue is. His response is: “I have to protect my children from people who are gay. I don’t want them to know anyone who is gay.” His wife and her family are very religious, and I feel this is the real reason. What can I do?
Heartbroken Gay Granny
If your son is under the mistaken impression that he is going to somehow “protect” his children by isolating them from gay people, he must be living in an alternate reality. Does he also plan to emigrate to the moon?
I suspect you have put your finger squarely on the reason why your son is now ostracizing you. His wife appears to wield the power in that family, and could benefit by learning more about homosexuality AND her religion, which I assume preaches love and tolerance for one’s fellow man rather than judgment and exclusion.
You can’t force your son and his wife to have contact with you if they don’t want to. Leave open the possibility that they may, over time, reconcile their love for you with their faith.
For your own emotional well-being, it’s important you find other outlets for your maternal instincts and go on with your life because any child would be blessed to be a part of it. Sadly, a large number of LGBT young people are rejected by their parents when they come out. These kids would benefit greatly from having a positive adult mentor like you. This could be your golden opportunity to make a significant, positive difference in someone’s life. Contact Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays at pflag.org to find out how to get involved.
Dear Abby: My boyfriend is a widower. We have been dating for more than a year. He has his house and I have mine.
I just found out that we are sleeping in the bed his late wife died in. (She died in her sleep.) I had assumed that he had taken care of all that stuff because her clothes and other personal effects are gone.
How do I suggest we get another bed at his place? I try to have him come to my home as often as I can. But there are still times we end up at his house, and it’s creepy.
I agree. Tell him how you feel and suggest the two of you select a new mattress for his bed together. You have been a couple long enough that you should be able to speak frankly with him. And he has enough time invested in you that he should be willing.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Write Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.