Miami Herald Logo

Dear Abby: Mom hopes fiance can be a buddy to her young son | Miami Herald

×
  • E-edition
  • Home
    • Site Information
    • Contact Us
    • About Us
    • Herald Store
    • RSS Feeds
    • Special Sections
    • Advertise
    • Advertise with Us
    • Media Kit
    • Mobile
    • Mobile Apps & eReaders
    • Newsletters
    • Social
    • Facebook
    • Twitter
    • Google+
    • Instagram
    • YouTube

    • Sections
    • News
    • South Florida
    • Miami-Dade
    • Broward
    • Florida Keys
    • Florida
    • Politics
    • Weird News
    • Weather
    • National & World
    • Colombia
    • National
    • World
    • Americas
    • Cuba
    • Guantánamo
    • Haiti
    • Venezuela
    • Local Issues
    • Crime
    • Education
    • Environment
    • Health Care
    • In Depth
    • Issues & Ideas
    • Traffic
    • Sections
    • Sports
    • Blogs & Columnists
    • Pro & College
    • Miami Dolphins
    • Miami Heat
    • Miami Marlins
    • Florida Panthers
    • College Sports
    • University of Miami
    • Florida International
    • University of Florida
    • Florida State University
    • More Sports
    • High School Sports
    • Auto Racing
    • Fighting
    • Golf
    • Horse Racing
    • Outdoors
    • Soccer
    • Tennis
    • Youth Sports
    • Other Sports
    • Politics
    • Elections
    • The Florida Influencer Series
    • Sections
    • Business
    • Business Monday
    • Banking
    • International Business
    • National Business
    • Personal Finance
    • Real Estate News
    • Small Business
    • Technology
    • Tourism & Cruises
    • Workplace
    • Business Plan Challenge
    • Blogs & Columnists
    • Cindy Krischer Goodman
    • The Starting Gate
    • Work/Life Balancing Act
    • Movers
    • Sections
    • Living
    • Advice
    • Fashion
    • Food & Drink
    • Health & Fitness
    • Home & Garden
    • Pets
    • Recipes
    • Travel
    • Wine
    • Blogs & Columnists
    • Dave Barry
    • Ana Veciana-Suarez
    • Flashback Miami
    • More Living
    • LGBTQ South Florida
    • Palette Magazine
    • Indulge Magazine
    • South Florida Album
    • Broward Album
    • Sections
    • Entertainment
    • Books
    • Comics
    • Games & Puzzles
    • Horoscopes
    • Movies
    • Music & Nightlife
    • People
    • Performing Arts
    • Restaurants
    • TV
    • Visual Arts
    • Blogs & Columnists
    • Jose Lambiet
    • Lesley Abravanel
    • More Entertainment
    • Events Calendar
    • Miami.com
    • Contests & Promotions
    • Sections
    • All Opinion
    • Editorials
    • Op-Ed
    • Editorial Cartoons
    • Jim Morin
    • Letters to the Editor
    • From Our Inbox
    • Speak Up
    • Submit a Letter
    • Meet the Editorial Board
    • Influencers Opinion
    • Blogs & Columnists
    • Blog Directory
    • Columnist Directory
    • Andres Oppenheimer
    • Carl Hiaasen
    • Leonard Pitts Jr.
    • Fabiola Santiago
    • Obituaries
    • Obituaries in the News
    • Place an Obituary

    • Place an ad
    • All Classifieds
    • Announcements
    • Apartments
    • Auctions/Sales
    • Automotive
    • Commercial Real Estate
    • Employment
    • Garage Sales
    • Legals
    • Merchandise
    • Obituaries
    • Pets
    • Public Notices
    • Real Estate
    • Services
  • Public Notices
  • Cars
  • Jobs
  • Moonlighting
  • Real Estate
  • Mobile & Apps

  • el Nuevo Herald
  • Miami.com
  • Indulge

Advice

Dear Abby: Mom hopes fiance can be a buddy to her young son

Dear Abby: I am a 47-year-old woman with a 12-year-old son. I met a wonderful man I’ll call “Daryl,” and we have been dating for about three years. We recently became engaged and are planning to be married this spring.

I have had one concern for a while, and I probably should have already addressed it with him. Daryl is very good about including my son, “Kevin,” in almost all of our outings, but he never asks Kevin to do any “guy” things with him. Daryl has grown sons, so it’s not like he doesn’t know how to do the guy thing. Kevin has never had a father in his life, so he longs for this kind of companionship.

I’m afraid if I bring it up, Daryl may feel compelled to start doing it, but I don’t want him to do it only because I said something. I was hoping it was something my fiance might have wanted to do earlier on in the relationship. Should I say something or let it take its course?

Mom

Sign Up and Save

Get six months of free digital access to the Miami Herald

SUBSCRIBE WITH GOOGLE

#ReadLocal

Bring it up! Daryl isn’t clairvoyant, and he may not realize how much your son longs for a role model. Explain it to him and see how he responds. Your fiance may not have been a hands-on dad with his own sons.

The teen years are an important time, and Daryl still has time to lay the groundwork for a mentoring relationship if he starts showing an interest now. If he waits too long, Kevin may conclude that Daryl doesn’t really care about him and thinks he doesn’t measure up in some way, which could affect his self-esteem for years to come.

Dear Abby: I am 40, married and busy. I work a full-time job and go to school part-time. My schedule is filled with just my normal activities. I have a busy social life and many family members, so every weekend my husband and I are invited to something.

I enjoy these gatherings, but sometimes I just want a weekend to myself to do what I want to do — go to the beach, a park, take care of something that needs to be done around the house, or just sit and watch TV or go to a movie.

I find it hard to say no to the invitations. How can I politely decline some of them without offending or hurting friends or family members?

Social Enough

So you’re a people pleaser. It is not rude or hurtful to refuse invitations by saying, “Thank you for wanting us, but we already have a commitment for that day.” It’s also not rude to tell the person your schedule has been so full that you have been buzzing around like a bee in a fit and need to just plain rest and catch up on chores. That’s what I recommend you start doing without feeling guilty about it, because everyone needs a certain amount of downtime so they don’t make themselves sick.

Dear Abby: I was talking to my daughter about what I would want for a birthday present since I have plenty of “stuff” and I am trying to get rid of it. Could I suggest that instead of giving me something, she come and take something — or even two somethings? What do you think?

Ann

I think it’s a novel idea for someone who is downsizing, and if you and your daughter have similar taste, she would appreciate it. Start by saying, “It’s better to give than to receive…”

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Write Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

  Comments  

Videos

(SPANISH) Rituals to attract prosperity in 2019 according to an astrologer

Plane with humanitarian aid sent by the U.S. arrives to Colombia

View More Video

Trending Stories

Military planes carrying 180 tons of aid for Venezuelans fly from Miami to Colombia

February 16, 2019 08:00 AM

Panic at the Orlando airport when a man alarms passengers at security checkpoint

February 16, 2019 02:52 PM

Dolphins hire ex-Raiders GM Reggie McKenzie, the league’s 2016 executive of year

February 16, 2019 04:27 PM

Mark Walton, former Canes star now with the Cincinnati Bengals, arrested in Miami

February 16, 2019 11:05 AM

One dead in shooting near South Beach’s Ocean Drive

February 17, 2019 06:47 AM

Read Next

Is your child going into high school? Do you have questions? Find the answers here.

Education

Is your child going into high school? Do you have questions? Find the answers here.

By Elizabeth Finny

    ORDER REPRINT →

July 31, 2018 07:00 AM

Get answers to commonly asked questions South Florida parents have about their kids’ transition to high school from Dr. Nicole Mavrides, pediatrician and child psychiatrist at the University of Miami.

KEEP READING

Sign Up and Save

#ReadLocal

Get six months of free digital access to the Miami Herald

SUBSCRIBE WITH GOOGLE

MORE ADVICE

Your child is injured from sports. Here’s how you can avoid injuries the next time.

Health & Fitness

Your child is injured from sports. Here’s how you can avoid injuries the next time.

July 27, 2018 11:00 AM
Tired of waiting for your iPhone battery replacement? Here’s a shortcut

Technology

Tired of waiting for your iPhone battery replacement? Here’s a shortcut

March 08, 2018 06:18 PM
The freshman are coming to campus! Learn the secrets to keeping them there and happy

Education

The freshman are coming to campus! Learn the secrets to keeping them there and happy

August 08, 2017 02:43 PM
Want to help your kid ace the big tests? Make them laugh, not study

Education

Want to help your kid ace the big tests? Make them laugh, not study

April 03, 2017 06:00 AM
Savvy South Florida shopping: Where to find deals now

Personal Finance

Savvy South Florida shopping: Where to find deals now

March 16, 2016 03:23 PM
2016 financial planning calendar

Personal Finance

2016 financial planning calendar

March 16, 2016 03:51 PM
Take Us With You

Real-time updates and all local stories you want right in the palm of your hand.

Icon for mobile apps

Miami Herald App

View Newsletters

Subscriptions
  • Start a Subscription
  • Customer Service
  • eEdition
  • Vacation Hold
  • Pay Your Bill
  • Rewards
Learn More
  • About Us
  • Contact Us
  • Newsletters
  • News in Education
  • Public Insight Network
  • Reader Panel
Advertising
  • Place a Classified
  • Media Kit
  • Commercial Printing
  • Public Notices
Copyright
Commenting Policy
Privacy Policy
Terms of Service


Back to Story