Dear Abby: My boyfriend of 10 years, “Scott,” and I separated last year. I was pregnant and hormonal at the time, and told him we would never get back together. We went a month without contact, then reconnected.
While Scott was in the process of working things out with me, he had a girlfriend. He made it seem like not a big deal, but apparently it was more serious. He told her she was the love of his life and he didn’t want to lose her, etc. When our daughter was born five months later, he told me he was done with the other woman. They talked for a month after our baby arrived and then he cut her off.
I recently found some old messages between them, and my heart shattered all over again. Scott says it was all a joke and he never meant any of it. The text messages imply otherwise.
I don’t know if I should take another break to clear my head, or wait until my heartache passes. Please help.
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If you were convinced that Scott has been completely honest, I doubt you would have searched his message history. As to his relationship with the other woman being a “joke,” I doubt she was laughing when — after hearing she was the love of his life and he didn’t want to lose her — he announced it was over.
You appear to like drama. You brought this on when you told Scott the two of you would “never” reconcile. I do think you should take a break until you are less emotional, because the choices you have made so far haven’t been entirely rational.
Dear Abby: I live on soft drinks. I don’t eat real food. I can’t remember the last time I ate a hot meal, much less vegetables. I exist solely on massive amounts of soda — two two-liter bottles a day. If I put food in my stomach, it’s usually bread or candy.
I don’t binge and purge. Because I’m never hungry, I don’t look at it as starving myself. The last time I tried to get off the soda I got sick to my stomach, light-headed and felt out of sorts. I don’t know if I’m addicted to the caffeine, the sugar or both. I want to be able to go to a restaurant on a date and eat like a normal person.
I don’t know what to do or how to do it. This liquid diet is slowly killing me and I need help. I have expressed my concerns to my doctors and even my therapist. I don’t think they believe me or understand the extent of my problem. What would you suggest?
It appears you have an eating disorder. Because your doctor and your therapist both seem unable to understand that and help you, consider replacing them. You should also consult a licensed nutritionist who is a registered dietitian (R.D.).
Caffeine and sugar withdrawal can both cause the symptoms you describe. Neither withdrawal is “fun,” and both can cause headaches and more. You may have to wean yourself rather than quit cold turkey, and a nutritionist can help you to create a personalized eating program that’s right for you.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Write Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.