Dear Abby: I’m a 17-year-old girl. Last weekend I lost my virginity in the back seat of a stranger’s car. I feel guilty about it and I haven’t told anyone. I’m not sure if he has.
I need some advice on whether I should be making a big deal out of it, or just ignore it and move on.
Please don’t ignore it. You treated your first time like it was something casual, and that is sad. It IS a “big deal,” not only because of what it indicates about your level of self-esteem, but also because you don’t know whether you have been exposed to an STD. Did the boy use a condom?
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Mature girls know to protect themselves when engaging in sexual activity. It is important that you be checked by a gynecologist for STDs and learn about effective birth control. If you don’t have a doctor you can confide in, Planned Parenthood can help you.
Dear Abby: I find myself in an interesting situation that I never thought could happen. I’m a 43-year-old gay male who had an extremely difficult time coming out when I was 19. My parents weren’t initially supportive, but things did get better down the line.
I have had zero luck at any long-term gay relationships, but as I get older, my sex drive has diminished, and I think I’d be happy with a female companion – if sex wasn’t a factor. What should I do?
Gay men marrying straight women is not an unheard-of phenomenon, and neither are marriages in which sex is not a part of the picture. It could work out well if you find someone with common interests and a high level of compatibility — as long as the lady clearly understands that you are gay and doesn’t harbor the fantasy that she can “change” you.
Dear Abby: My friends often come to me for advice. It could be anything – relationship, family, self-harm or bullying. It’s usually something I don’t know how to deal with and don’t have experience with. I try to say words of encouragement like, “It’ll be OK. Ignore it. Think on the bright side. Don’t be so hard on yourself.”
I know these are things they have heard before and will ignore, but I don’t know what else to say or do. These people are more outgoing than I am, so I guess it makes them targets. Abby, what can I do?
It’s all right to be encouraging, but when someone asks for advice you know you’re not qualified to give, you should be upfront, admit it, and suggest the person talk to an adult. This is particularly important when the problem concerns things like self-harm or bullying, which may need an intervention.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Write Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.