Miami Herald Logo

Dear Abby: Casual friendship may grow closer over husband’s illness | Miami Herald

×
  • E-edition
  • Home
    • Site Information
    • Contact Us
    • About Us
    • Herald Store
    • RSS Feeds
    • Special Sections
    • Advertise
    • Advertise with Us
    • Media Kit
    • Mobile
    • Mobile Apps & eReaders
    • Newsletters
    • Social
    • Facebook
    • Twitter
    • Google+
    • Instagram
    • YouTube

    • Sections
    • News
    • South Florida
    • Miami-Dade
    • Broward
    • Florida Keys
    • Florida
    • Politics
    • Weird News
    • Weather
    • National & World
    • Colombia
    • National
    • World
    • Americas
    • Cuba
    • Guantánamo
    • Haiti
    • Venezuela
    • Local Issues
    • Crime
    • Education
    • Environment
    • Health Care
    • In Depth
    • Issues & Ideas
    • Traffic
    • Sections
    • Sports
    • Blogs & Columnists
    • Pro & College
    • Miami Dolphins
    • Miami Heat
    • Miami Marlins
    • Florida Panthers
    • College Sports
    • University of Miami
    • Florida International
    • University of Florida
    • Florida State University
    • More Sports
    • High School Sports
    • Auto Racing
    • Fighting
    • Golf
    • Horse Racing
    • Outdoors
    • Soccer
    • Tennis
    • Youth Sports
    • Other Sports
    • Politics
    • Elections
    • The Florida Influencer Series
    • Sections
    • Business
    • Business Monday
    • Banking
    • International Business
    • National Business
    • Personal Finance
    • Real Estate News
    • Small Business
    • Technology
    • Tourism & Cruises
    • Workplace
    • Business Plan Challenge
    • Blogs & Columnists
    • Cindy Krischer Goodman
    • The Starting Gate
    • Work/Life Balancing Act
    • Movers
    • Sections
    • Living
    • Advice
    • Fashion
    • Food & Drink
    • Health & Fitness
    • Home & Garden
    • Pets
    • Recipes
    • Travel
    • Wine
    • Blogs & Columnists
    • Dave Barry
    • Ana Veciana-Suarez
    • Flashback Miami
    • More Living
    • LGBTQ South Florida
    • Palette Magazine
    • Indulge Magazine
    • South Florida Album
    • Broward Album
    • Sections
    • Entertainment
    • Books
    • Comics
    • Games & Puzzles
    • Horoscopes
    • Movies
    • Music & Nightlife
    • People
    • Performing Arts
    • Restaurants
    • TV
    • Visual Arts
    • Blogs & Columnists
    • Jose Lambiet
    • Lesley Abravanel
    • More Entertainment
    • Events Calendar
    • Miami.com
    • Contests & Promotions
    • Sections
    • All Opinion
    • Editorials
    • Op-Ed
    • Editorial Cartoons
    • Jim Morin
    • Letters to the Editor
    • From Our Inbox
    • Speak Up
    • Submit a Letter
    • Meet the Editorial Board
    • Influencers Opinion
    • Blogs & Columnists
    • Blog Directory
    • Columnist Directory
    • Andres Oppenheimer
    • Carl Hiaasen
    • Leonard Pitts Jr.
    • Fabiola Santiago
    • Obituaries
    • Obituaries in the News
    • Place an Obituary

    • Place an ad
    • All Classifieds
    • Announcements
    • Apartments
    • Auctions/Sales
    • Automotive
    • Commercial Real Estate
    • Employment
    • Garage Sales
    • Legals
    • Merchandise
    • Obituaries
    • Pets
    • Public Notices
    • Real Estate
    • Services
  • Public Notices
  • Cars
  • Jobs
  • Moonlighting
  • Real Estate
  • Mobile & Apps

  • el Nuevo Herald
  • Miami.com
  • Indulge

Advice

Dear Abby: Casual friendship may grow closer over husband’s illness

Dear Abby: I recently learned that the husband of a friend of mine has cancer. She shared the information with me during our last meeting. I was shocked and hardly knew how to respond. She is not a close friend, but we are fond of each other and enjoy getting together for a drink every now and then.

I want to let her know that I’m thinking of her and that I’m available if she needs anything, but I’m afraid of saying something cliched or insensitive. What is the most tactful way to do this?

Challenged

Contact your friend. Tell her you were shocked by the news she gave you, which may have been a cry for help. Make a point of staying in touch by calling to ask how she and her husband are doing.

Sign Up and Save

Get six months of free digital access to the Miami Herald

SUBSCRIBE WITH GOOGLE

#ReadLocal

Tell her you know she may be overwhelmed, and volunteer to bring food if she’s too busy or stressed to cook, run errands for her or even do the laundry if her hands are full with caregiving. I can almost guarantee that if you do, you and this lady will be close friends in the future regardless of the outcome of her husband’s illness.

Dear Abby: I’m a 48-year-old woman. Occasionally, I suffer from night sweats and have had a couple of hot flashes.

My husband enjoys turning on the mattress heater in our bed. He has turned my side on by mistake a few times, which caused me to roast and have an uncomfortable night. Even when he heats only his side it’s too hot for me. I wake up sweating and see him lying naked, with all his covers flipped onto me!

I have suggested he cuddle with me if he’s cold. But he insists on using the electric heater. I don’t see any reason to waste the electricity, especially when it makes me uncomfortable. I am thinking about separate beds. Please help.

Overheated

Separate beds might be a good idea. That’s a practical solution for some couples. But before making the investment, have a talk with your doctor about your hot flashes (if you haven’t already), because they may be caused by hormonal changes in your body, and he or she may be able to recommend a medication that can help with them.

Dear Abby: What do you think of people who show up at graveside services for “family only”?

Recently, a friend passed away. She didn’t want a funeral. The family announced there would be a service at the grave for family only, followed by a small reception for family and friends.

Well, some of the “friends” showed up at the service anyway. One of them stated, “But she was like a sister to me!” I felt it was an intrusion.

The family was gracious enough that they didn’t let these people know their presence wasn’t welcomed. What do you think, Abby?

Family Friend

Oh, my. Of course it was an intrusion. The person who was conducting the service should have spoken up and “reminded” the attendees that the interment was for family only so the family wouldn’t be placed in an awkward position.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Write Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

  Comments  

Videos

(SPANISH) Rituals to attract prosperity in 2019 according to an astrologer

Plane with humanitarian aid sent by the U.S. arrives to Colombia

View More Video

Trending Stories

Military planes carrying 180 tons of aid for Venezuelans fly from Miami to Colombia

February 16, 2019 08:00 AM

Dolphins hire ex-Raiders GM Reggie McKenzie, the league’s 2016 executive of year

February 16, 2019 04:27 PM

Panic at the Orlando airport when a man alarms passengers at security checkpoint

February 16, 2019 02:52 PM

Mark Walton, former Canes star now with the Cincinnati Bengals, arrested in Miami

February 16, 2019 11:05 AM

‘Youngest customer to date.’ Baby boy born aboard a JetBlue flight to Fort Lauderdale

February 16, 2019 04:08 PM

Read Next

Is your child going into high school? Do you have questions? Find the answers here.

Education

Is your child going into high school? Do you have questions? Find the answers here.

By Elizabeth Finny

    ORDER REPRINT →

July 31, 2018 07:00 AM

Get answers to commonly asked questions South Florida parents have about their kids’ transition to high school from Dr. Nicole Mavrides, pediatrician and child psychiatrist at the University of Miami.

KEEP READING

Sign Up and Save

#ReadLocal

Get six months of free digital access to the Miami Herald

SUBSCRIBE WITH GOOGLE

MORE ADVICE

Your child is injured from sports. Here’s how you can avoid injuries the next time.

Health & Fitness

Your child is injured from sports. Here’s how you can avoid injuries the next time.

July 27, 2018 11:00 AM
Tired of waiting for your iPhone battery replacement? Here’s a shortcut

Technology

Tired of waiting for your iPhone battery replacement? Here’s a shortcut

March 08, 2018 06:18 PM
The freshman are coming to campus! Learn the secrets to keeping them there and happy

Education

The freshman are coming to campus! Learn the secrets to keeping them there and happy

August 08, 2017 02:43 PM
Want to help your kid ace the big tests? Make them laugh, not study

Education

Want to help your kid ace the big tests? Make them laugh, not study

April 03, 2017 06:00 AM
Savvy South Florida shopping: Where to find deals now

Personal Finance

Savvy South Florida shopping: Where to find deals now

March 16, 2016 03:23 PM
2016 financial planning calendar

Personal Finance

2016 financial planning calendar

March 16, 2016 03:51 PM
Take Us With You

Real-time updates and all local stories you want right in the palm of your hand.

Icon for mobile apps

Miami Herald App

View Newsletters

Subscriptions
  • Start a Subscription
  • Customer Service
  • eEdition
  • Vacation Hold
  • Pay Your Bill
  • Rewards
Learn More
  • About Us
  • Contact Us
  • Newsletters
  • News in Education
  • Public Insight Network
  • Reader Panel
Advertising
  • Place a Classified
  • Media Kit
  • Commercial Printing
  • Public Notices
Copyright
Commenting Policy
Privacy Policy
Terms of Service


Back to Story