Dear Abby: I was recently told by a friend that my husband had sent her texts of an inappropriate and sexual nature. My husband didn’t deny that he sent them and refused to tell me what he sent.
This woman is envious of my husband and jealous of our relationship. She often comments about how she’d love to have a man like mine, etc. My concern is, he admits he texted her, but I don’t understand why. My intuition tells me she told me the truth, but I want to trust my husband.
Now I’m suspicious. I always want to check his phone, and analyze every aspect of our life and marriage. I feel this has put a huge wedge between us, and I no longer feel the same love and passion for him. Please help. What do I do now? Is my marriage over?
Your marriage may not be over, but it could be in jeopardy. Considering what has been going on, you have every right to be concerned.
Marriage counseling may help you and your husband get back on track if he’s willing to go with you. But if he isn’t, then for your own sake, get counseling on your own because you may need to talk to someone who isn’t emotionally involved in your turmoil. It will make you stronger.
Dear Abby: Every time my new wife and I visit my mom or she visits us, my mother scratches my back, rubs my arm, rests her hand on my inner thigh, tickles me, hugs me or touches me any chance she gets. I don’t reciprocate or validate the touching, but I don’t discourage it either. She has been this way for so long that I’ve just gotten used to it. I never noticed how creepy it was until my wife mentioned something.
The problem is, how do I address this with my mother? I don’t want to throw my wife under the bus as the reason for the discussion, but I am not sure how believable it will be if I suddenly say after 30-plus years that it bothers me. I want the message that I feel she should stop touching me at every opportunity to come from me. How do I have this conversation? What can I say?
No Means No
Say, “I love you, Mom, and I know I should have mentioned this before, but when you do that, it makes me uncomfortable, so please stop.” If she wants to know why, all you have to do is tell her you know she loves you, but you think what she’s doing is excessive.
Dear Abby: We go out to eat occasionally with another couple I’ll call Jack and Jill. Most restaurants around here offer free refills on soft drinks or self-serve. Jack will order water (free) to drink while Jill orders a soda. They then take their empty glasses and refill them with a colorless soft drink.
They see nothing wrong with the practice. We think it’s stealing, and we are embarrassed. What are your thoughts, and how should we react when this is done in front of us? Lately we have been making excuses to avoid going out with them.
Eating with Cheapskates
I agree that it’s stealing. Jack and Jill are taking something to which they are not entitled. Have you spoken to them about it? If you have, then because their behavior makes you uncomfortable, you are justified in not going out with them.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Write Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.