Dear Abby: I am engaged to “Tony,” whom I have known since first grade. We live with his mother under the same roof, but in separate rooms. Tony is perfect in every way except one: He’s a restless sleeper.
Sometimes he wakes up shouting. He has fallen down the stairs and woken up in different rooms. He talks in his sleep as well. I thought I could live with it, but a month ago things changed.
I came home late and he was sleeping downstairs. I think he thought I was an intruder. He woke up and ran at me. He started trying to hit me and was shouting. I was screaming and crying, “Honey!” over and over to wake him up. He says he would never hurt me, but when he ran at me, it was clear he didn’t recognize me.
For a week after that, I slept with a barricade against my door. Now I’m terrified of him when he’s asleep. I know it’s only a matter of time before we move out on our own and will be sleeping in the same room, or trying. How can I get over this fear or help him to sleep more soundly?
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You can help your fiance by getting him to a sleep disorder specialist, because that’s his problem. Frankly, I am surprised he hasn’t seen one before now. His doctor can refer him, or he can go online to find one near you. Please don’t wait until something like this happens again, or he hurts himself falling down stairs while sleepwalking.
Dear Abby: We are a group of 10 friends, all retirees from the same large organization. We meet for lunch every few weeks and enjoy talking amongst ourselves about people we knew and situations that took place in our old jobs.
A supervisor many of us had work issues with is about to retire. We are concerned that it’s only a matter of time until she approaches us and wants to join our lunch group. We have thought about saying it’s “loose-knit” and “we have no formal time or place,” but that’s not exactly true, and we’re sure she wouldn’t be deterred by that.
I wish I had the nerve to tell her the group is for us rank-and-file employees — no supervisors allowed. Because we may run into her from time to time once she is retired, we want to be gracious but assertive about our refusal to have her join us. Advice?
If the woman approaches you (keep in mind that your worries may not materialize and you may not be asked), remember she’s no longer your supervisor and can no longer affect your life in any way. If she asks if she can join you, you should tell her no. And if she asks why, explain it to her exactly as you explained it to me. It’s the truth. (As we sow, so shall we reap.)
Dear Abby: Does a male in his own home, walking around bare-chested, have to put a shirt on when someone is going to enter the home from the outside?
If there is any question that the person entering your home might be offended, out of consideration, you should cover up. A close friend or family member might not mind, but it’s better to err on the side of caution.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Write Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.