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Lies I've Told My Kids

If you say you've never lied to your kids, you're a liar.

Mothers tell lies all the time. To protect our kids. To make peace. To buy some time until we can think of a better answer.

I impress myself sometimes with the ease and cleverness of my lies. No harm done that a few years of therapy can't cure later.

Half-truths, fibs, white lies … call them what you like. After 13 years of distorting the truth for my own gain, I'm coming clean now.

* What, your artwork is in the trash? Your father must have thrown that in there.

* Claire's is closed today, so there's no use going to that end of the mall.

* Santa does not bring live animals.

* If you don't hold my hand when you cross the street, the police will arrest you.

* No, Papa isn't drunk. He had too much red Kool-Aid and it made him sick.

* You must have been awake when the tooth fairy came and you scared her away before she could leave any money.

* If you tell me the truth, you won't get in trouble.

* The park is closing. We need to leave now.

* If you write on yourself with ink, it will seep into your bloodstream and you will die.

* When the ice cream man plays music that means he's out of ice cream and going home.

* That TV show is on vacation.

* You can't get married until after college. It's the law.

* That dog on the side of the road is fine, he's just sleeping.

* The turtles escaped.

* I will always be there.