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Calling Michelle Obama fat won't make you skinnier

Back when she was planting her vegetable garden on the South Lawn, I'm sure Michelle Obama never imagined that her Let's Move anti-obesity campaign would unleash a national obsession with her butt.

The first lady's body and what she puts in it has become fodder for a handful of conservative pundits. Apparently, urging people to eat healthy is now political. The Hatriots have declared a FATwa on the FLOTUS.

First, published a rear-facing photo of Michelle Obama walking, with her backside encircled in red. Then ran a cartoon portraying an unusually plump Michelle Obama shoving a plateful of burgers into her mouth, demanding bacon from her large-eared husband. Then, last week on his talk show, Rush Limbaugh objected to the first lady eating ancho chili short ribs during a ski trip with her family.

"I'm trying to say that our First Lady does not project the image of women that you might see on the cover of the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue, or of a woman Alex Rodriguez might date every six months or what have you," Limaugh said.

Forget that unrealistic media images of female bodies are part of the problem. Michelle Obama's goal to encourage kids to eat better is now being portrayed by the likes of Sarah Palin and Minnesota Rep. Michele Bachmann-R as just another socialist strategy to move us toward a nanny state. I guess first ladies should stick to causes like literacy & drugs because those are other people's problems. Obesity? That hits far too many of us in our sensitive, flabby stomachs. It's open season on the first lady. In their pursuit of their inalienable right to eat Krispy Kreme bacon cheddar cheeseburgers, they call her "Moochelle" and "Michelle, My Butt." Their new cause: Fat Rights!

Is Michelle a hypocrite because she chowed on a rib?

Launched in February 2010, the Let's Move initiative has 5 goals: creating a healthy start for children, empowering parents and caregivers, providing healthy food in schools, improving access to healthy, affordable foods and increasing physical activity. There is no moratorium on ribs or even the 5 Guys Burgers & Fries Michelle Obama has admitted craving on occasion. By portraying this campaign as "Let Them Eat Berries" instead of the "Let's Eat Better" effort it is, Michelle Obama's attackers are selling short a nation where childhood obesity has tripled in 30 years. Today, one in three U.S. children are overweight or obese, meaning they are more likely than their normal-weight peers to grow up to be obese adults at higher risk of diabetes, cardiovascular disease and fatty liver disease.

Michelle Obama isn't telling you not to eat dessert. She just wants you to not consider doing it every night. Unless you're a three-chinned radio talk show host, in which case you can shove that second helping of bacon cheddar cheesecake right in.