There's no beating around the bush on this topic, so I'll dive right in: Have you noticed that nobody under the age of 40 has pubic hair anymore?
We're talking mass deforestation. Waxing, shaving, sugaring, lasering. It's no longer just for porn stars. Brazilians and landing strips are passé. It's all about neatening your nether regions. Pubic hair – for men and women – is so 2007.
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I have to admit this makes me chuckle a bit. I mean, when I was growing up, this used to be the kind of thing you did with a razor to torture the first girl who fell asleep at your slumber party. Now it's suddenly desirable?
Where have all the pubic hairs gone? Don't we need them? (Don't force me to Google for the answer because I'm afraid the website results will get me arrested.)
If you think about it, our society would really have a blank spot if we mowed over all those pubic hairs from our past. Without a pubic hair, we would never have had Clarence Thomas and Anita Hill. Without pubic hairs on bathroom soap, we would never have laughed so hard at Gilda Radner as SNL's Roseanne Roseannadanna. And without pubic hairs and their DNA, half the crimes on CSI Miami would never get solved.
Pubic hair has never been so publicly acknowledged – or shunned – as it is today. A few months ago, there were ads all over my Coconut Grove neighborhood for a new waxing salon. The signs showed a bikini bottom with what appeared to be a small Yorkshire Terrier growing out of the sides of the bathing suit. Tasteless? Hmm, maybe. Effective? Yup.
We're not the only ones waxing poetic. This trend is worldwide, most recently in England, where ladies' trimmed private parts are fondly referred to as "bald frontbums." (Leave it to the Brits to take something meant to be sexy and conjure up images of Winston Churchill.)
The Brits have taken their hairless campaign to the TV, where a new double entendre ad for Quattro bikini razors called "Mow the Lawn" has raised a few eyebrows (apparently one of the few spots on the human body where hair is still allowed). The TV ad opens with a woman stroking a furry cat in her lap. She's joined by some other women who burst into a rousing chorus of the saucy jingle.
Have you mowed your lawn lately? Trimmed your shrubs? Pruned your hedges? Summer's just around the bend – time to weed your lady garden!
An African-American lady sings, "Some bushes are really big!" An Asian lady sings, "Some gardens are mighty small." A white lady sings, "All that's left for me to see are tulips on the mound." (Get it? Tu–lips. On the mound.) The commercial has fun with images of hedge clippers, a chainsaw (!) and strategically-placed topiaries sculpted into landing strips and hearts. The spot ends with the woman stroking her – now hairless – cat.
This is so bad on so many levels yet I still find myself laughing. See the ad here, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MvFSgXpyhoM, and let me know if you think lawn mowing duties need to be added to every mom's to-do list.