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The Littlest Tweets of All

Just pooped for the fifth time … ahhhh, slept for 12 hours today – woo hoo! … uh oh, accidentally bit mom while nursing, boy was she mad …

Imagine if newborns could Twitter. But wait, they can. Unfortunately, there are now a growing number of social networking websites for babies. These sites – Totspot, LittleGrams, Kidmondo – are like Facebook for babies. Parents create online identities for their kiddies and post journal entries or updates using their little one's imaginary voice, essentially becoming ventriloquists for their children.


I find this even more annoying than moms who talk baby talk whenever they speak to their kids or hold us hostage with never-ending tales of their genius child's brilliance. (If every child is as gifted as his brag hag claims, solving the world peace question should be a cinch for this upcoming generation.)

Call it baby overshare. Usually I'm a defender of all this new social networking. Yeah, Twitter, Facebook and blogs are a bit self-indulgent; they eat up time and sometimes take us away from real human contact. But they're also cool ways to reach out to people we don't usually see. These are exciting tech times. But that doesn't mean there will be mistakes along the way. Twittering as your baby is one of them.

With the exception of maybe one love-starved grandmother, this tactic is annoying has hell to most of us. And if you're doing this to friends who are also parents, it's just plain cruel. We have already lived through sleepless night, diaper explosions and endless questions. Why would you subject us to such torturous minutiae again?

If you are ghostwriting a blog for your baby or creating one of these online baby books on steroids, please stop now. Remember, some day your child's prospective employer may be Googling your kid and the result could be real a career killer. Nobody wants to hire a whiner who craps green and drools.