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Yearning for men who vacuum

Porn for women.

OK, now that I have your attention ... The subject matter for this story is not really about pornography. It's about what women really want. The picture book Porn for Women (Chronicle Books, $12.95) reveals the thinking woman's view about what sends their pulses racing.

Example: A guy taking out the garbage with the caption, "As long as I have legs to walk on, you'll never have to take out the garbage.''

The book and a new offering, Porn for New Moms, is the brainchild of a group of Cambridge, Mass., women, ages 19-93, calling themselves the Cambridge Women's Pornography Cooperative. They considered the question: "What really turns women on?'' At least, that's the story spokeswoman Heather Peterson told me during a phone interview.

"We started out as a group of women and a few self-proclaimed 'lucky' men talking about what turns women on,'' Peterson says. "We're having a lot of fun with this tongue-in-cheek book.''

Speaking of tongues, thankfully, you won't find them in the tasteful photographs by Susan Anderson. The book has a few shirtless guys, but most show men doing what Peterson terms "explicit'' activities, such as cleaning the cat litter box or brushing off a tee time to stay home with mom and baby.

The book contains a warning to those who dare peer inside: "Prepare to enter a world were men insist on changing diapers, where men couldn't imagine letting you lift a finger around the house after bearing the child. Now that's hot.''

Peterson says many of the examples in Porn for New Moms come from real-life couples. "The fantasies are based on truth,'' she says.

The mom book shows men holding babies, reading to a toddler, cooking and looking seductive in bed.

New mothers, let me draw your attention to Page 15. It shows an easy-on-the-eyes guy with the caption: "Let's not have sex tonight. Let me just rub your feet while you tell me about the baby's day.''

I asked Peterson which sentiments are her favorites.

"It depends on my mood,'' she says. "On Page 17, it's the guy who says, 'I can't offer you any solutions, but I am a good listener.' ''

She also likes Page 67, showing a guy holding out a piece of cake: "Have another piece of cake. I don't like you looking so thin.''

"What woman doesn't want to hear that?'' Peterson says.

The Porn for Women book offers a test to determine "How much are you getting?''

When you need him to listen, does he:

Listen attentively, making continual eye contact?

Listen for two minutes, then start offering solutions?

Watch the game over your shoulder while you're talking?

How does he behave around your cat?

Loves to sit with her on the sofa, scratching her ears and chin.

Pets the cat … but only when you're looking.

Views cat solely as a seat warmer.

Peterson was impressed when I shared how my husband surprised me recently by making dinner. In addition, he often asks, "What can I do to help you?''

"Those are the sweet nothings women want to hear,'' she says. "The book is about using humor to educate men of what women find hot and sexy.''

Peterson has sat in local bookstores just to watch women approach the book with its shocking title. "First, they look around and then start reading the inside,'' she says. "It doesn't take long for them to get it.''

Men, Peterson says, aren't always so quick. "A lot of the time, the guys will look inside the book and say, 'I don't get it.' ''