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Cut from team: what to say

Every fall, the hopeful warriors of tryout season stampede gyms and fields across the country - and face the possibility of rejection.

Unlike grades that can be raised over the year, team cuts are quick, blunt and final. In today's parenting climate of positive reinforcement, not making the team may be the first time a child is told he is not good enough.

What do you say to them?

"Allow the kid to talk and find out where they're at emotionally," said John Murray, a sports psychologist in Palm Beach. ‘‘If it's a serious problem, find out from the coaches what to do next time."

Also consider the reasons they want to join the team.

"Sometimes I find it's to be with friends, to please parents or to beat out others," Murray said. "Parents should do their homework (because kids) may not be as exuberant about the sport as they think."

From those conversations, create a backup plan. Whether it's playing the sport on a team outside of school or finding a new sport, it's important to stay in shape and not lose the athletic drive.

Encourage those cut from selective teams to play "non-cut'' sports such as cross-country.

And remember, part of playing sports is learning how to lose, Murray says: "When you don't succeed in reaching your objective, you learn more."


Sports psychologist John Murray offers this advice:Be realistic: Before tryouts begin, make sure your child is going into it with a healthy perception of his or her skills and the possibility of not making the team.

• Be a parent: Sports may teach toughness, but a child should still feel accepted at home. "Kids want to be loved for who they are, not what they do," he said. Don't add to the feeling of failure at home.

• Keep a cool head: Before you call the coach, wait a few days and ask for objective feedback.

• Keep it up: Encourage your child to use the season to build strength and skills with other teams or sports.

• A backup plan: Talk about alternatives for physical activity outside school.