OK so after 7 months of dating, I broke up with my boyfriend or rather, he broke up with me. Turns out he doesn't like children and i think Penelope throwing chili on him cemented that decision. Now I know enough to write a book. Welcome to my first installment of "A Single Moms Guide to Dating”
Hi Single moms, you don’t have to wait 7 months like me to find out that the man you have your eye on is not cut out or prepared to be a dad. All you’ve got to do is be a good listener. Here are some things to listen for. If you hear them, run, run, run as fast as you can…away…away….away.*
1. Burden. Poor, poor you, a child, my child, is a burden for “us”. Actually, boyfriend, I can see who is going to be the burden here.
2. Sacrifice. Here I am asking you to be part of the most wonderful part of my life and you think I should martyr you? Or pity you? How about I sacrifice you on an altar so I can pray for something better.
3. Predicament . I guess there will always be those people who think all single moms just got picked up by some guy in a bar and got knocked up. If only they knew it really isn't that easy… I spent over $60,000 trying to have my child and, no, that wasn’t the bar tab.
4. Situation. I chose this “situation” thank you. And you wouldn’t believe how many women would kill to be in my “situation”.
5. It. As a substitute for the name of my child. Perhaps I should have kept her naked so it would’ve been easier for you to at least consider the pronoun "her".
6. Interacting. Yes, thank you for interacting with my child 3000XQR. Most people would call it “playing”.
7. Great responsibility . Yes, it is a great responsibility so great that more than more than 57% of men embrace it. What happened to you? What happened to the days of men choosing “great responsibility” as a source of pride rather than taking pride in “having escaped it”.
7B. Your responsibility . Your responsibility, meaning mine. How’s that for the start of a great partnership. I imagine the dishes/ leaky roof/ car repairs/ dry cleaning/ furniture polishing/ thank you note writing/ spider killing/ ego stroking/ changing the light bulbs/ etc. would be just as much my responsibility too.
8. My parents think… You are over 35. It’s nice to hear you’re close to your parents and your parents think you’re a spectacular catch but the laundry list of things they think you deserve is laughable, really. I should work full-time, cook “healthy” food every night, do the laundry, iron your clothes, sign your pre-nupt so if you just want to get up and leave no harm, no foul for you, be ready “happily” and “excited” whenever you want physical contact even after an 18 hour day, not be upset that you never want to adopt my child, be cheery every time you call me, I should accept all and any of your faults and/or fashion mistakes… and I should be trained in the art of massage, pole dancing and first aid… oh wait, your parents really mean you shouldn’t be dating a woman with a child? By the way, when are we getting to you? I notice I don’t hear any of the things they feel a man is supposed to give a relationship. They didn’t mention any, how odd. Wait, did I just hear you say in return for all I do you’ll give me “love”? hahahaha. The least you can do is hook up a DVD player. That’s mean of me? Well the love thing wasn’t enough for you was it. And, by the way, you really thought I was going to give up my cat for you too?
9. Here was a trick question, right? You asked me - if we were living together and I wanted to run out to the store, or go out with a friend while you were home, “Who would watch the baby? ” Gosh let me think about that.
10. Perfect. As in, “I am making a sacrifice for your burden therefore you need to be even more perfect [then a non-mother] in order to qualify as my wife.” Wow, you’re picking me?!?! Little old single mom me?!?! There’s a debt I could never repay…to my daughter.
And this one is for women dating and not yet moms, told to me by another mom as part of her pre- mom dating experience: "Being a step-mother to my children should be enough for you. I can't â¨understand why you would want one of your own."
He put the "I' and the "me" into "team"
Run run run.
(*these were all not said by my ex who knew my child by her name. other moms contributed some of these. goodness knows i wouldn't stay long with a guy for him to express all of these sentiments!)