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Mom Test Anxiety = The Birthday Party

I've been having these crazy nightmares for the past month. I've dreamt that I was standing in a field surrounded by children playing, balloons, and more children coming, bearing gifts. They were coming and coming like Sorcerer Apprentice broomsticks. But i wasn't hacking at them with an axe. I was screaming at the top of my lungs, where's the pizza? I HATE you Domino's. The tablecloths are flying away! Someone turn off the wind goddamn! Where are my helpers goddamnit! This party is RUINED!!!! I've also dreamt that I'm with my child, waiting in the birthday room, for kids who never come. I've also dreamt that I've slept late and missed the party entirely. Or the tablecloths looked the wrong blue under the light of the party place and that ruined my my daughter's party.

I can only compare it to the SAT test.

I've been thinking about this party for a year. Even since my kid finished opening the presents for the last one. I've been studying Pinterest, the New Official Birthday Party Study Guide. My mission was Winter with a touch of My Little Ponies.

Thanks to the magic of the Internet and moms with a hell of a lot more time to ponder the zillions of possibilities in party decor, I chose the colors blue, white, silver and snowflake pattern. I did winter fruits: apples and oranges. Snowy looking powdered donuts, white icing cookies, and whipped cream with blueberries in clear cups with a chocolate biscuit stick. Scores of small kid-friendly tea sandwiches and the mandatory pizza. The tablecloths and craft were snow related. I decorated with tinsel, sparkly blue hued pom poms, and fake snow (goodbye $50 clean up deposit) And the party itself was at an ice rink. Only too late did I discover I could have made a grand chandelier out of marshmallows (see photo). I would've given up a week's worth of sleep for that but I found it the day before and I still had an outfit to rhinestone and gift bags to pack.

Call it a test-run to the Bar Mitzvah if you will.

But now, as I write this, the party is over. I'm crying because I want to. With relief. The reviews are in. The pizza showed up on time. People came. The kids liked it. No one broke any arms, legs or heads. A grand success in my mind.

My daughter, she wants to go on a cruise next year, instead of having a party. She told me on the car ride home.

I think she's testing me.

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