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Returning the Baby

In the news is a story about a mom who returned her adopted seven year old son back to Russia. According to the mom, he had psychological issues and emotional outbursts, and she was in fear of her life.

It’s not for me to judge this woman or this situation. I’m thinking about what my limits would be.

I am entirely grateful I don’t have a troubled child- physically or emotionally, but I did have a troubled marriage. And I jettisoned that. He had anger issues beyond the norm. We went to the counselor a number of times, but when all he wanted to do was yell at me throughout the sessions or sit there like a petulant child, I gave up too. There was more I could do. I just lost the desire to do it.

Would I give up on a child? What if that child killed my cat? And the neighbors pets and threatened to kill me.

According to one news source, his grandmother “chronicled a list of problems: hitting, screaming and spitting at his mother and threatening to kill family members.” It’s reported that he attacked his aunt with a statue when she tried to get him to do correct his math homework. The grandmother also says the boy threatened to burn their house down and even drew pictures that illustrated his intent.

While Stephen King stories aren’t true, attachment disorder is entirely real.

Can love really conquer all? Or military school. Can you give up when the kid is 18 or, by default, if the kid goes to jail. Is it better to turn your kid over to someone else if you don’t want him or raise the child and hope you can somehow “bond” even if your heart isn’t in it? Can a child thrive in that kind of a situation?

Is it ever defensible to “return” a child?

I don’t come close to having the answers. As it is now I often wonder if the decisions I make now are going to be good for my kid or turn her wrong. I often wonder if someone else’s parenting techniques are better than mine. And I’m starting out with a good kid already.

I’m going to go hug her now.