I think about having a second child in the same way as I think about getting a dog for my daughter. Or a new Snap n’ Style doll for her. Something she might like to play with.
Lucky for me I do see the erroneous thinking in this. Unlike the doll, another baby is not meant to be played with. Nor is it returnable or able to be given to the Good Will.
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It’s just I can’t help thinking. Would my daughter like a younger brother or sister? Would having one make her happier? She really seems to like babies. As a single mom I am hyperaware of how very small our little immediate family is. Me and Penelope and two cats We do have the cousins and aunts, a live-in grammy, and uncles but it really isn’t the same. It would be nice for her to have a live-in playmate. I feel so guilty the times I don’t want to play tea party for the umteenth time, but there are only so many times a week I can make pleasant conversation over plastic food. (I'm a puzzle/block mommy)
More importantly, I’d like her to have the friendship of a sibling when she grows up. Someone who has shared experiences. However, there is no guarantee on how close they’d be or how much they’d like each other, is there? I know great stories and I know not so great ones. I know how hard to it would be for me to raise two the way I’d want to. But then, that’s about me, what about her. Or is it also about her? Happier mommy happier kid? Or happier kid, happier mommy? Or happier mommy because child is somewhat more occupied with an other so mommy can have breathing time before 8:30 pm? Or will mommy be jealous of this other? Or will a sibling be something she’ll appreciate over time, but not for 30+hair pulling years or so. And does mommy want to divide her time between two? Will Penelope, who loves and thrives on attention, like half or less of the attention? Would this mommy be able to handle the juggling act between a child who likes ballet and one who prefers soccer? Can this mommy handle the agony of waiting to see what another roll of the genetic dice adds up to? Would I be this lucky again?
I’m still young enough to squeeze one out. But, then, what if I got triplets!?!?!? You need 6 or more to score a TV show these days.
Then we’re sitting on the floor and making a puzzle together. The cat walks in and sits on my lap. She gets up to sit on the cat sitting on my lap. MY Mommy, she says definitively. Move, cat.
More play dates will do just fine for now. Maybe I’ll concentrate more on finding a possible daddy. (I’ll save my internal debate on that for another post.)