Latest News

I'd kill for my daughter. And I have.

I'd kill for friends too. And anyone who will pay me $80 an hour for my single minded concentration and skill.

Sociologists say women are the gathers and men the hunters. Come study my household, sociologists. I'm way ahead of the evolutional curve. I gather the laundry strewn about AND I kill, kill, kill. I use not deer rifle, bow, nor slingshot. I'm a mom first so I look to save on the cost of ammunition and I've yet to find coupons for Smith and Wesson in the back of my newspaper. So I use a book - which is far less threatening to the Hummels, Waterford eggs, Cabbage Patch Kids, cats, and real kids that decorate my house my house anyway.

My prey – the nasty little mosquito. And, please mosquito lovers, send me all the protest letters you want, wave your signs on my lawn, I’m not going to budge on this one. If you’d like to come to my house, humanely trap them and take them to your house, we can talk.

If I see a mosquito in my house, I am going to stalk it, until I can kill it dead, dead, dead. For some reason they love my bathroom, they love to gather there are wait until night so they can enter my bedroom under the cover of darkness – the cowards! – and bite me and my daughter.

Mothers reading this, I know you understand, I kill not for fun, pleasure, sport or a mosquito skin coat. I kill in order to protect my daughter. Me, who doesn’t even eat meat, because I sympathize and emphasize with our animal friends. Mosquitoes are not our animal friends.

Even Hindu-based karma says they deserve to die according to my own liberal interpretative thought. Hindus who coined the whole karma/ reincarnation cycle say it’s the really bad people who come back as things like mosquitoes. So, in essence, I’m even doing those hateful little insects a favor – and believe me, they don’t deserve any favors but it’s too hard to waterboard a mosquito - I’m bringing them to the end of their less than favorable life and giving them a chance to come back as something better.

I blame it on my maternal instinct.

  Comments