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Mamas and Mamaâ™s Boys

Over my dead body. That’s what his mom said when my ex-boyfriend wanted to introduce her to me. I fit everything I thought someone would want in a daughter in law: I had a job, a career even; very few demands; independent; stable; smart, creative, well-read, educated; washing machine familiar; good family; smoking/drug/disease free; family oriented; fashion conscious; financially stable; proven record of handling great responsibility; clean record and fingernails; economy-minded; hard-worker; valid passport and driver’s license; worldly (and not just through reading); very little baggage; and a lot of love to share, and I could care less if he went over to his parents house to eat 4 times or more a week which, he did do...

Now, I’m not perfect by any means, but a future together was absolutely, dead in the water with her, no win, probably not even if I had won the lottery and agreed to give her 9 tenths of the winnings --- because I have a CHILD. (Read it frostily, I imagine she said it frostily.) Over her dead body would our relationship be able to continue. I can say with certainty, he said it to me. Over her dead body. This would be especially hard as I think her wish was to be cryogenically frozen. So, technically, she’d never be dead. Though I think in deep freeze she’d be warmer to me than in life.

I never did meet her.

What is it with mama’s boys? Who wants to be under the thumb of your mom all your life? My mom buys me clothes and 9/10 of the time, I say, please, return this. I do not like zebra prints. I like zebra prints on a neon background even less. I am not a 3x . But, not mama’s boys. Here he comes in a bright red shirt and shorts a little too short and walking all proud. You casually inquire about his selection of apparel. He replies, isn’t this nice? My mom bought it for me. Then he adds, “And my mom says that if a woman doesn’t like my clothes then it’s really me she is rejecting.” Um, I am rejecting the white tube socks pulled up past your knees. More like your mom wants you to always wear the clothes she picks for you.

He never thought of it that way.

And the list goes on. It seems like he’s told his mom everything.

HIM: My mom says if I tell a girl I am not fond of cotton underwear than if she really liked me she would wear something different.

ME: Now your mom knows what to get me for my birthday.

HIM: A woman who loves me would want to cook for me so I’ll eat healthy.

ME: Even my 20 month old knows peas from cookies and if yo can fill a car's tires with air, I bet you could learn to use the a stove.

HIM: If a girlfriend doesn’t want to go to Sweet Tomatoes on a date it means she wants to spend too much money.

ME: If you want to fool around after dinner like you expect, nothing says lose that loving feeling faster than a salad bar buffet, florescent lighting, child-proof carpeting and my daughter’s favorite mac & cheese. (Note: He chose a different restaurant on his own volition.)

HIM: I've never lived more than 1 mile from my parents, my mom cooks for me every night I don't go out with you, and she still always does my laundry and they never thought any girlfriend I had was good enough for me.

ME: ...I was speechless here...

They say a man looks for his mother in the woman he marries. In many cases, a woman like his mom is the only one who’ll put up with him.

You know, in addition to all the “about me” I listed above, I even support my family single-handedly. And, even though I'm a single mom, I'd never be called clingy. I guide my daughter to be more self-sufficent, more independent, to take measured chances with life and love, know that she can rely on others but in the end she needs to rely on herself, and be optimistic that somehow it works out in the end even if getting there is a little messy. More like me.

So you know, my ex-boyfriend's mother had something right. She wanted a daughter in law like her.

I want a son in law like me.

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