Miami Herald Logo

I Love You but... | Miami Herald

×
  • E-edition
  • Home
    • Site Information
    • Contact Us
    • About Us
    • Herald Store
    • RSS Feeds
    • Special Sections
    • Advertise
    • Advertise with Us
    • Media Kit
    • Mobile
    • Mobile Apps & eReaders
    • Newsletters
    • Social
    • Facebook
    • Twitter
    • Google+
    • Instagram
    • YouTube

    • Sections
    • News
    • South Florida
    • Miami-Dade
    • Broward
    • Florida Keys
    • Florida
    • Politics
    • Weird News
    • Weather
    • National & World
    • Colombia
    • National
    • World
    • Americas
    • Cuba
    • Guantánamo
    • Haiti
    • Venezuela
    • Local Issues
    • Crime
    • Education
    • Environment
    • Health Care
    • In Depth
    • Issues & Ideas
    • Traffic
    • Sections
    • Sports
    • Blogs & Columnists
    • Pro & College
    • Miami Dolphins
    • Miami Heat
    • Miami Marlins
    • Florida Panthers
    • College Sports
    • University of Miami
    • Florida International
    • University of Florida
    • Florida State University
    • More Sports
    • High School Sports
    • Auto Racing
    • Fighting
    • Golf
    • Horse Racing
    • Outdoors
    • Soccer
    • Tennis
    • Youth Sports
    • Other Sports
    • Politics
    • Elections
    • The Florida Influencer Series
    • Sections
    • Business
    • Business Monday
    • Banking
    • International Business
    • National Business
    • Personal Finance
    • Real Estate News
    • Small Business
    • Technology
    • Tourism & Cruises
    • Workplace
    • Business Plan Challenge
    • Blogs & Columnists
    • Cindy Krischer Goodman
    • The Starting Gate
    • Work/Life Balancing Act
    • Movers
    • Sections
    • Living
    • Advice
    • Fashion
    • Food & Drink
    • Health & Fitness
    • Home & Garden
    • Pets
    • Recipes
    • Travel
    • Wine
    • Blogs & Columnists
    • Dave Barry
    • Ana Veciana-Suarez
    • Flashback Miami
    • More Living
    • LGBTQ South Florida
    • Palette Magazine
    • Indulge Magazine
    • South Florida Album
    • Broward Album
    • Sections
    • Entertainment
    • Books
    • Comics
    • Games & Puzzles
    • Horoscopes
    • Movies
    • Music & Nightlife
    • People
    • Performing Arts
    • Restaurants
    • TV
    • Visual Arts
    • Blogs & Columnists
    • Jose Lambiet
    • Lesley Abravanel
    • More Entertainment
    • Events Calendar
    • Miami.com
    • Contests & Promotions
    • Sections
    • All Opinion
    • Editorials
    • Op-Ed
    • Editorial Cartoons
    • Jim Morin
    • Letters to the Editor
    • From Our Inbox
    • Speak Up
    • Submit a Letter
    • Meet the Editorial Board
    • Influencers Opinion
    • Blogs & Columnists
    • Blog Directory
    • Columnist Directory
    • Andres Oppenheimer
    • Carl Hiaasen
    • Leonard Pitts Jr.
    • Fabiola Santiago
    • Obituaries
    • Obituaries in the News
    • Place an Obituary

    • Place an ad
    • All Classifieds
    • Announcements
    • Apartments
    • Auctions/Sales
    • Automotive
    • Commercial Real Estate
    • Employment
    • Garage Sales
    • Legals
    • Merchandise
    • Obituaries
    • Pets
    • Public Notices
    • Real Estate
    • Services
  • Public Notices
  • Cars
  • Jobs
  • Moonlighting
  • Real Estate
  • Mobile & Apps

  • el Nuevo Herald
  • Miami.com
  • Indulge

Latest News

I Love You but...

Aimee Heller

    ORDER REPRINT →

April 21, 2011 12:55 AM

I left work early and spent a white-knuckled hour driving up I-95 to get to my sister's house in time for Passover dinner. I walk in the door and...

S: Nice you're here on time...when are you going to get rid of that shirt?

Sign Up and Save

Get six months of free digital access to the Miami Herald

SUBSCRIBE WITH GOOGLE

#ReadLocal

Me: What? I like this shirt

S: it's torn. See. (She points to a millimeter size hole near the hem of a black shirt worn over black pants)

Me: I like this shirt and I didn't ask for your opinion. It would be nice to hear something nice from my family for a change.

S: Well if we don't tell you, who is going to tell you.

Yes that's my family. Not tough love, but critical love. We only destroy your self-esteem because we love you. I don't think my friends or colleagues scrutinize me a tenth of as much my family does. And they don't give up even after you tell them to leave you alone.

Even if you say LEAVE ME ALONE in big capital letters.

My mom will find 10 different ways to pose a grievance if she doesn't push the right button the first 9 times.

For example, my car is somewhat messy. I have some papers and folders from work in the front and children's toys and books in the back. Said by my mother over a period of two weeks or so:

1. You should keep your car neater.

2. What if you need to take someone from work home in this?

3. What will the other mothers think?

4. A valet is going to think badly of you.

5. I can't get into a car this messy.

6. Didn't I raise you better than this?

7. Your child is going to think it's ok to be messy.

8. The other day, someone commented on the state of your car to me and I was embarrassed. She made this up completely.

9. You couldn't sell it like this. I'm not selling my car.

10. You will have an accident and those papers, toys and books are going to hit my grandchild and cause serious damage.

What eventually happens is that I lose my temper, or I give in and do a clean-up knowing that nature will eventually reclaim the land.

I choose to do it differently. After all, aren't there enough people in this world who will criticize. Few but your family really have a responsibility to be accepting and loving. Who is going to say, that's our Aimee, and we love her the way she is, if not your family. It's really nice to have a place you can go and feel safe, where your quirks are accepted. At the very least, your family should ask why you like something, and try to get an understanding about it, before they flat out dismiss it.

Truly, if I really wanted criticism, i could post a picture of myself on YouTube and get tons. From all over the world.

May my daughter always know she is accepted by me, unconditionally. I will criticize, because mothers do need to do that, but I won't jump right to it. If I do disagree with something, I will talk with her about it so at least I can understand her point of view. Then I can determine what action to take.

a) She can't afford a new shirt so I will go with her and buy her a new one she likes.

b) She appreciates imperfections and likes the shirt just the way it is.

c) She didn't notice the hole

d) She is wearing it to bother me and then I am going to criticize it

Unconditional offer null and void if she ever gets a tattoo.

  Comments  

Videos

‘Premios Lo Nuestro’ se transmitirá el jueves 21 de febrero desde la AmericanAirlines Arena.

Military leaders meet to discuss U.S.-Colombia defense cooperation

View More Video

Trending Stories

Why were former members of the U.S. military driving around Haiti heavily armed?

February 19, 2019 07:49 PM

Cuts are coming for Dolphins’ receivers, but there’s one their new coach raves about

February 19, 2019 12:31 PM

Here’s one pricey player that the Miami Dolphins’ new offensive line coach wants back

February 19, 2019 04:54 PM

Haiti’s economic lifeline has taken a hit. Expedia just made it worse.

February 19, 2019 06:04 PM

Think Florida is a ‘sinful’ place to live? You’re right, according to this new study

February 20, 2019 01:18 PM

Read Next

No matter how this season ends for the Heat, Dwyane Wade is going out a winner

Greg Cote

No matter how this season ends for the Heat, Dwyane Wade is going out a winner

By Greg Cote

    ORDER REPRINT →

February 20, 2019 01:24 PM

No matter how this season ends for the Miami Heat, Dwyane Wade’s “Last Dance” farewell season has a victory lap — and a lesson for all athletes on how to retire on your own terms and timetable.

KEEP READING

Sign Up and Save

#ReadLocal

Get six months of free digital access to the Miami Herald

SUBSCRIBE WITH GOOGLE

MORE LATEST NEWS

Kyler Murray available to Miami at No. 13 overall would be great for multiple reasons

Armando Salguero

Kyler Murray available to Miami at No. 13 overall would be great for multiple reasons

February 20, 2019 12:34 AM
It’s known as the ‘Silent Killer.’ How high blood pressure is impacting the black community

Health & Fitness

It’s known as the ‘Silent Killer.’ How high blood pressure is impacting the black community

February 20, 2019 04:35 PM
Hispanics are more likely to get diabetes. And that’s not good for their hearts

Health & Fitness

Hispanics are more likely to get diabetes. And that’s not good for their hearts

February 20, 2019 07:15 AM
Roberto Carlos, Brazil’s ‘pop king,’ chooses Miami to open his international tour

Miami-Dade County

Roberto Carlos, Brazil’s ‘pop king,’ chooses Miami to open his international tour

February 20, 2019 06:32 PM
He exposed himself to a hotel worker, then stole a drop box full of money, cops say

Florida Keys

He exposed himself to a hotel worker, then stole a drop box full of money, cops say

February 20, 2019 06:28 PM
Despite losing sight, non-binary painter continues to create inspirational art

Visual Arts

Despite losing sight, non-binary painter continues to create inspirational art

February 20, 2019 05:02 PM
Take Us With You

Real-time updates and all local stories you want right in the palm of your hand.

Icon for mobile apps

Miami Herald App

View Newsletters

Subscriptions
  • Start a Subscription
  • Customer Service
  • eEdition
  • Vacation Hold
  • Pay Your Bill
  • Rewards
Learn More
  • About Us
  • Contact Us
  • Newsletters
  • News in Education
  • Public Insight Network
  • Reader Panel
Advertising
  • Place a Classified
  • Media Kit
  • Commercial Printing
  • Public Notices
Copyright
Commenting Policy
Privacy Policy
Terms of Service


Back to Story