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I hate you Mom

Drugs, smoking, free love, goth, or scientology? One day my little girl is going to rebel in a bigger way than taking a stand against the toothbrush. All kids do.

What’s it going to be and what’s a mom supposed to do?

Guide it.

My job to make sure she doesn’t pick something utterly stupid and permanently damaging. Like drugs or large butterfly tattoos. Hair dye, Mohawks and wearing fur are much less permanent. I need to get her to choose one of these, I need to work hard to give her something controlled to rebel against. But I need to make it look like I’m not working at it at all.

I’ve heard the trick is to teach, not to preach. Give them things to rebel against that don’t require going to the edge of extremes. I’m never going to give her reason to compete for my attention or feel less than 100% loved. I’m going to try to make her happy about being herself so she doesn’t feel a need to conform to some mythic ideal. I have no dreams to live through her. I have expectations but they're not unrealistically high. I have no clothes I expect her to wear or agenda of talents she needs to impress. I don't find people on the cell phone more important than friends (or daughters) in the same room. I'm not so brilliantly perfect myself that she'll need to rebel to feel noticed.

She can choose to eat mammals. I don’t do this and I ask people not to feed them to her. I mean I’d hope she’d come to the same conclusion as me but you can’t count on that. I mean my mom is still wondering why I refuse to wear pastels.

She can rebel against me as a whole. I’m not thin. I don’t really wear makeup. I rarely wear heels. I am most comfortable in the “artsy” crowd and ever had any desire to join or be part of a sorority. I’ve never been tan, a blonde or athletic. She will be embarrassed of me and make me drop her off 7 blocks from school so she can hide me.

I am a single, semi-employed mom so hopefully I have those bases covered.

She’s going to be a type-A cheerleader.

That will drive me crazy.

Go P-E-N-E-L-O-P-E go.

Not that I will say this out loud