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Moms are the biggest gamblers. All of us. We’ve placed over $350,000*, at least 18 years of our life, and the future of our genes, all on some guy.

Sure it takes two to have a child but we’re the ones with the power to decide just who that is. Now there’s never a 100% guarantee with genetics – with exceptions like if you have absolutely no 6’7” albinos in your family line, you shouldn’t count on giving birth to one. But we can give our kids the best odds possible. In the old days, you’d have to choose among the men that would offer you a ring, or the better ones that weren’t yours but you could bed during that exact 2-3 day ovulation window. But, no more. Now, you don’t have to hit or miss in the dating-marriage game. You can order exactly what you want!

Ladies, have you shopped the sperm bank? It’s like the Super Walmart of DNA. Tall? Athletic? SAT score 2400? Heart disease-free family tree? Doctor to be? Non-smoking Asian who plays football and the piano? Sephardic albino? Chances are you’ll never land a husband with quite the statistics you can find online at the sperm bank.

Of course you won’t know his exact personality, but what man was ever as charming after the ceremony?

Here your only commitment is to what you put into the online Daddy Shopping Cart.

Honesty, though, I’d love my daughter just as much if she grew up to be a surfer.

There’s a gamble I’d be most willing to take.

*The $350,000 is the estimated cost of raising a child until 18 based on my calculations on the fascinating “cost of raising child calculator” on….