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Gifted Shmifted. Itâ™s so overrated.

So many parents ask, “is my child gifted”? I say, you should hope not. Gifted is so overrated. Look at me. I’ve been in gifted programs since the second grade – before they were even cool – and now, I am a 38 year old single mom living with her mom. But I’m not upset. I’m doing a lot better than many of my gifted childhood peers.

Gifted means that, according to a standardized test, one child is smarter than the average child. Funny how so many parents are against the FCAT to set standards, but the IQ test is a standardized exam they’ll swear by. Only, of course, if their child is labeled “smart.”

One of my cocktail party questions has always been: Would you rather be plain and brilliantly smart, or beautiful and dumb?

For gifted people, the answer is quite obvious. Beautiful and dumb. Beautiful people get all the oos and ahs, pink BMWs and fancy diamond gifts. Being dumb, they have no idea why they are being treated so well – only that they must deserve it. Meanwhile, plain and smart folk know exactly what’s going on and wonder how they got the short end of the stick. I’m smart enough to know I want someone to take care of me and pay for my manicures.

Of course, you could be plain and dumb, but you won’t be smart enough to dissect the injustice of it all down to existential meaninglessness too much. If you’re dazzlingly smart and beautiful, people will fear you.

Now I don’t know if my daughter is gifted or not but I do know her gymnastics teacher said she has strong arms. I’ll take it.