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Pants on the Ground

Day after day, for years now, I’m awestruck as I observe kids and even adults ambling around with their rear ends hanging out. Do they own a mirror? Most importantly, I don’t understand the mechanics of it all. I mean, how do the darn trousers stay up in the first place? (To my kids’ chagrin, I will test it out over the weekend on myself. Keep you posted as that’s a later blog post.)

Take this morning for example, on my way to school. I saw a middle-schooler—pants heavily gathered at his ankles, backpack swinging wildly from his shoulders—running to catch the bus. With one hand he clutched his iPhone and with the other, his pants. And when this long-legged creature sprinted, he looked severely impaired—like a pogo stick—as he bounced and limped and skipped his way toward the idling vehicle. His pants limited his movement and flexibility so much that in fact, he stumbled and almost fell to the ground.

C’mon, is trending this look really worth bearing such physical discomfort?

Someone cool please step forward and put these poor kids out of their misery. Tell them it’s passé and has become anti-cool.

As a concerned parent, I wonder what the long-term effects are of such limited mobility...Do their growing legs cramp up at night? Do these kids bear increased podiatric problems as their feet continue to develop? Does this adapted style of walking affect their gait when they sport swimsuits or short pants ill-suited for flashing? And tell me, how do these kids ingratiate themselves with their girlfriends when they cannot even hold hands on an afternoon stroll because one hand is tied up gripping the Smart phone while the other’s job is to keep the world from catching a full frontal view?

This has got to be the most ridiculous approach to pants-wearing any generation of hipsters has ever known. Enough already!

Yes, even the way Pops rode his way up high into his armpits seems more appealing right now.

Any chance someone can bring that style back?


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