Ah, the good old days, back before Ozzie Guillen praised Fidel Castro, before Heath Bell became a walking, talking combustible engine and before Hanley Ramirez got into a sparring match with an electric fan.
Showtime brought us back to those halcyon days of, well, three months ago with its hour-long debut of The Franchise — the all-access show that takes us inside the Marlins’ clubhouse.
Although everything started out so promising, by the premiere’s end, it was obvious the frustrations felt by Marlins fans over the ballclub’s 41-44 first half are shared by the front office.
“We have certain veterans we thought would carry us ... and that the kids would take the next step,” Marlins general manager Michael Hill said during a particularly putrid stretch. “The veterans have crapped all over themselves.”
Yes, Hill said “crapped,” about the only time someone wearing Marlins orange and blue refrained from using potty language.
With manager Ozzie Guillen, cursing comes like breathing. (He had 97 F-bombs during his first team meeting.)
Even team president David Samson gets into the swearing act — when he wasn’t dry-heaving during his 52-mile run for charity.
Profanity in pro athletics isn’t news, however. As for what was revealing:
• Samson saying Guillen’s five-game suspension over Castro-gate was “about as bad as it can get without getting to termination.” (And that Guillen cried after his public apology.)
• Guillen admitting that not even his wife wanted Bell on the mound in save situations during the closer’s darkest days.
• The Marlins wives really stink at softball. (They lost to the Rays wives 14-2.)
Other than that, it was mostly what we already assumed. Mainly, in pro baseball the players drive really nice cars.
Next week: Giancarlo Stanton’s knee operation.