Celebrity resolutions, in an ideal world

Charles Sykes/Invision/AP

Yeppers, it’s that time of year again. You know what to do: resolve to change for the better. And since we don’t know what goes through celebrities’ minds (unless they Instagram it), we decided to imagine a few resolutions they might make:

Giuliana Rancic: Consume at least a burger a week. Eclair for dessert.

Bruce Jenner: Let the freak flag fly.

Jennifer Lawrence: Deactivate iCloud account.

Justin Bieber: Stay off the roads in Miami Beach.

Chelsea Handler: Put down the selfie stick.

Leonardo DiCaprio: Try celibacy.

Dustin Diamond: Count to three before doing anything rash.

Teresa Giudice: Take a self-defense class — quickly.

Idris Elba: Keep up the good work at the gym.

Andy Cohen: Ask out Anderson Cooper.

Miley Cyrus: Stay home more.

Janet Jackson: Avoid the plastic surgeon’s office.

Chris Pratt: Repeat the mantra: “Carbs are not your friend.”

Kim Zolciak: Cover up.

Selena Gomez: Move on.

Pharrell: Wear pants on red carpets.

David Cassidy: Don’t lose the number for the car service.

Amy Pascal, other hacked Sony execs: When gossiping, use the phone.

Kim Kardashian: Stop wearing beige, tan — and nude.

Bradley Cooper: Get nominated for an Oscar — and win.

George Clooney: Make it to the first anniversary.