The phenomenon about the NFL preseason is that fans tend to attach an importance to the results that is thoroughly and comically disproportionate to the meaninglessness of them.
After an offseason bereft of games, football is football, I guess, and so moderation is lost in the hunger for clues to how good your team might be. That is why many of the same Dolfans wringing hands and fretting after a sloppy opening loss to Dallas all but chant “Su-per Bowl!” now in the wake of Friday night’s 27-3 victory at Jacksonville.
I tried to say the loss in the Hall of Fame Game was not all that bad, or even surprising for a first outing. Now let me be the guy casting the damp blanket like a fishing net and reminding you Friday’s victory must be measured against the fact the Jaguars are abysmal NFL bottom feeders.
Put it this way: If football had a relegation system like English soccer has, Jacksonville would have been demoted to Canada by now.
The Jags’ quarterback choice is Blaine Gabbert or Chad Henne. Need I say more?
A more telling preseason test for Miami comes in six days at Houston.
Meantime, Miami received bad news and saw playoff hopes dim Saturday when the NFL quietly rejected the Dolphins’ request to be moved to a two-team division with Jacksonville and only play the Jaguars every week.
• We have updated Sports Summer of Shame standings: Accused murdererAaron Hernandez
maintains his lead, with
leapfrogging fellow PED fraudRyan Braun
for second place and racistRiley Cooper
in with dishonorable mention.
• Baseball suspended 13 players, including A-Rod, in one day last week. Call it a Fakers’ Dozen.
• That reminds me. Miami Central and Booker T. Washington are No. 1 in the nation in different preseason prep football polls, raising the question, “Why are there national high school football polls?”
• The FHSAA has called for steroid testing of high school athletes. I’ll miss prep baseball.
• Dolphins ownerStephen Ross
said he is “committed long-term” to general managerJeff Ireland
. Dolfans are still trying to decide if that’s a good thing.
reported for jury duty in his hometown of Akron, Ohio, last week but was not chosen. See, he’s a regular citizen just like you and I, other than he’s incredibly famous, talented, popular and rich.
• The newly released NBA schedule has two-time reigning champion Heat traveling on Thanksgiving between road games and at the Lakers on Christmas Day. Lakers tie Heat with 25 national TV appearances. Guess TV didn’t get the memo that it’s no longer 2010 andKobe Bryant’s
team is no longer any good.
• The Marlins had lost six games in a row entering the weekend. The halcyon mirage of temporary respectability has dissolved to once again reveal a team using foam pool noodles as bats.
has quit Twitter. Twitter wept.
• AmericanMissy Franklin
tied a record with six gold medals at the swimming world championships in Barcelona, foreshadowing a tidal wave of renewed popularity for “Missy” as a name for girls. Or not.
• The NASL’s Fort Lauderdale Strikers have begun their fall season. I wasn’t sure the team had enough fans for one season a year, let alone two.
• NASCAR’s most popular driver,Dale Earnhardt Jr.
, needs a sponsor for 12 remaining races. OK, legion of Junior fans: Pony up!
• The 2014 Winter Olympics will go on in Sochi, Russia, despite that nation’s legislated homophobia. I say we annoy the Russians by having this Olympics consist solely of men’s figure skating.
• An obsessed Twitter follower won a date with track starLolo Jones
by securing more than 150,000 re-tweets. I haven’t yet decided where I’ll take her.
became the first men to hold all four major tennis titles at once, but I defer toJack Nicklaus
, who said, “If doubles players were good enough, they’d be playing singles.” You go, old Jack!
was a no-show in Chicago for 75 fans who paid $2,500 to meet him. Dear fans: No big loss. Out of uniform and off the soccer field, Lionel pretty much just looks like a short, dark-haired guy.
canceled his plan to climb Mount Kilimanjaro because of a foot injury. Mount Kilimanjaro did the Squirrel Dance to mock Lewis.